A Bright Beginning… If I Do Say So Myself

Life must have rules.

As parents, we know this. Straightforward or found hidden within the depths of the Fruit Loops box, these rules are what keep us safe. What keep us sane. (And with three heathens running afoot, sanity is definitely among my top concerns here.) They are what shape our sophisticated little modern lives. They are the necessary evil- the hamartia in our hedonistic hero.

Yep.

Life must have rules.

These rules, they are our reminders of the lessons, both big and small, that we’ve already learned. They are the "been there done that and probably won’t survive if I try it again" stories. They are the stuffs of fairy tales- of Pinocchios and Little Pigs. They are unique and personal and common and universal all at once.

Yep.

Life must have rules. Especially ones such as:

Never ever just tell your husband to pick you up some "pads". Always be specific. Always tell him the name brand, the color of the bag, the approximate location in the store, the average price, and perhaps even the way the bag will sound if dropped on the WalMart floor. Never ever just tell your husband to pick you up some "pads". Even if he’s been picking you up pads for nigh on a decade now.

Else you may find yourself holding a bag of Poise Bladder Control Protection items  when you’d gladly give over your firstborn in exchange for a super-thin Always maxi-pad with wings.

You see, that, that, is a good rule.

However, another equally good rule is:

Always remember to apologize sweetly to said husband after throwing rather large (yet soft) bag of Poise Bladder Control Protection Items at his head out of frustration… Especially if, three or four days later on New Year’s  in the wee hours of the morning when there is frost on the ground and not a nearby pharmacy or grocer open; you, while cleaning up the results of The Baby’s newly found love for candied yams,  suddenly find yourself without diapers. NOT A SINGLE SOLITARY DIAPER ANYWHERE. NOT IN THE CAR, NOT IN THE DIAPER BAG, NOT UNDER THE CUSHION OF THE COUCH…

And even better:

Be sure to pat yourself on the back- maybe even go so far as go out and buy yourself a little prize- for your amazing ability to think creatively in tough situations. Especially if, on New Year’s  in the
wee hours of the morning when there is frost on the ground and not a
nearby pharmacy or grocer open; you, while cleaning up the results of
The Baby’s newly found love for candied yams,  suddenly find yourself
without diapers. And you, the MacGyver in heels that you are, think to fasten a Poise Bladder Control Protection Item onto a pair of toddler underwear and manage to save the day (and the sheets).

Yep.

Life must have rules.

But I’m cool with that.

January 1, 2008
Categories: Eat Me, Martha Stewart!


1.©2008 by Courtney Hebert as Judith Shakespeare.
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3.Blog title courtesy of Oscar Wilde, pseudonym Virginia Woolf, design JudithShakes.