My name is Judith Shakespeare… Actually, no, my name is not Judith.

My name is Courtney, but I'm also known to turn in the direction of a hollered mom, mommy, mama, or ma as well. For the past ten years, I have been married to an occasionally wonderful man with whom, thanks to a wonderful chemistry set purchased on eBay for a mere $8, I created three devilishly cute heathens: Little Man (9), That Middle One (4), and The Baby (2).

Yes, that means that I am one of those often terrifying creatures known as "Breeders"; and, no, I didn't need a license for that.

I am your basic tattooed, liberal, slacker mom whose hobbies include (but are not limited to) rambling incoherently, expertly removing used bubblegum from Barbie's hair, artistically glaring at little league parents, gossiping, protesting, and cooking a seven course meal while practicing global espionage in my favorite pair of Dolce pumps.

Okay, I made that last one up… I've never made a meal with more than two courses in my life, but you get the point.

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Some Random Facts:

• I read incessantly, have a terrible potty mouth, and am often so weary of diapers and teething rings that I contemplate pulling my hair out by the fistfuls.
• I am also a sometimes writer and sometimes artist and an always activist.
• I love chocolate and imported beer and can easily be bribed with jewelry.
• I don't know how to make a small pot of gumbo at one time- Only huge vats that would feed entire countries.
• I like most foods better cold.
• I was raised in southern Louisiana but moved to Arkansas in 2004. Don't ask why.
• I stole my last tattoo out of a romance novel. Seriously.

Cast & Crew:

Mr Shakespeare

Judith and Mr. Shakespeare were married all "spur of the moment"-like in early 1998 after a quick courtship that began on the dance floor at a shady little bar called Fat Woody's. Judith's absolute polar opposite, he enjoys things like hip-hop, hunting, college football, and Corona with lime. She complains often about his lack of enthusiasm for politics, literature, and films made in the era of leg warmers and lace gloves; he complains of her adamant refusal to go to bed without finishing a book, the smell of her coffee, and the fact that she tells all and sundry that they met in a bar named Fat Woody's.

For the intents and purposes of this blog, Mr. Shakespeare is also referred to as Peter, The Husband, and the PPOMM (Pretty Piece of Meat that I Married).

Little Man

Little Man is currently sporting the shaggy haircut as only a nine-year-old with a new "girlfriend" every week can. He is a brilliant student, a superb kiss ass, and "The Mini Me" to Mr. Shakespeare's Dr. Evil. Along with the power of super eavesdropping skills, Little Man proudly claims that a girl once called him an alien because of his double-jointed thumbs. A decidedly creative being, Little Man has a talent for art as well as the ability to learn the words to any and
every song in two plays flat. Willing to do anything for a quick buck, he readily encourages Judith's slacker mom behavior by accepting cash in exchange for quitting Cub Scouts every year.

That Middle One

That Middle One is a ball of four-year-old non-stop energy and smart-ass"iness". Born a toddler-sized ten pounds, he is a pretty decent replica of Judith as a child- which is great considering she had vowed to die of sheer heartbreak if one more person said "He doesn't even look like he belongs to you" about one more child. That Middle One spend his days plotting to steal his mother's last Diet Coke and his nights patiently awaiting the moment when everyone finally goes to bed so that he can get back up and play Ben10.

The Baby

The Baby is the girl child of this motley crew and is the reason that Judith picked up the surprisingly difficult and expensive art of "boutique hair bow" making. And despite her extensive collection of bows, tiaras, and frilly things; she is also the owner of several bad habits courtesy of her brothers (the least of which is spitting into her hand before shaking anyone else's). Her favorite word being "cool", The Baby accidentally learned to count at the age of sixteen-months and, as with all of her clever and fun tricks, deliberately forgets how to do so the very moment her mother is caught bragging about it.