…Because I Just Might Put You Out On the Street Corner Where You Belong (With a Little Bonus VD)

Blackjack
Curve I
Curve II
Curve III
The 8820 I
The 8820 II
The Tilt

A list of my favorite sexual positions, you ask? Perhaps a special peek into the quasi-fabulous new line of putrid celebrity-designed fragrances soon to be available at fine stores and Dollar Generals everywhere? Card games? Song titles that never were? Government-created diseases? Books to read? Books to not read?

Random figments of my overactive imagination?

Wrong.

That, my dear friends, is a list of the cell phones that Mr. Shakespeare has owned in the last TWELVE MONTHS.

What’s with the sequels, you say? (Man, you sure are a nosy little thing, aren’t you?)

They happen to be the replacement phones for the originals that got dropped in the water while duck hunting, bounced off a roof, fell from a pocket that was attached to a pair of jeans that were worn by a man who was climbing a tower, or simply lost that new phone smell that Peter seems to crave as much as Britney does attention.

And today’s word, children, is brought to us by Judith’s gadget envy:

con·sum·er  whore*
n.

1. One who cannot pass up new and shiny objects even if his/her life/marriage/ears depend upon such an action- especially if said new and shiny object are cell phones that he won’t ever keep long enough to ever figure out all of the cool things it may be capable of.
2. Someone who buys  things solely for the sake of  saying "Neener, neener, my phone can make me a peanut butter sandwich and yours can’t."
Synonyms: Mr. Shakespeare, Peter, Pretty Piece of Meat That I Married, Duck-Killer, The One Who Taught My Children That Burping Games Can Be Fun and Educational Too

And since I’ve used the words "whore", "sexual positions", "games", "celebrity", and "burping" all in one post; here’s a little VD love (contracted while doing the Tilt with the Qween) for the search engine freaks (and you too):

VD #1

Here are the rules:

You must post the rules before you give your answers.
You must list one fact about yourself for each letter of your middle name.
Each fact must begin with that letter.
If you don’t have a middle name, just use your maiden name.
After you’ve been tagged, you need to up-date your blog with your middle name and answers.
At
the end of your post, you need to tag one person for each letter of
your middle name. (Be sure to leave them a comment telling them they’ve
been tagged and need to read your blog for details).

My middle name is NOT Shasta

S – Sings loudly in the shower.
H – Holds bad music from the eighties close to her heart.
A – Asks not what you can do for yourself but for Judith.
S – Sleeps better in th daytime. 
T – Tastes like Chicken.
A – Ain’t using her real middle name

VD#2 (That Really Bad Strain)

Here are the instructions:

A) Each player answers the questions about themselves.

B)
At the end of the post, the player then tags 2 people and posts their
names, then goes to their blog and leaves them a comment, letting them
know that they have been tagged and asking them to read your blog.

10 years ago:

*My breasts weighed less.
*I had just met the man that I would marry a short five months later.
*I lived on a combination of Vodka and Camels.

5 Things that were on my “to-do” list for today: 

*Remember to blog.
*Finish AT LEAST two designs.
*Remember to blog.
*Buy some insurance before mine runs out tomorrow.

I Enjoy:

*Reading
*Music
*Chocolate
*Guinness
*John Hughes films
*Jonathan Rhys Meyers

What would I do if I suddenly became a MILLIONAIRE?:

*Buy books.
*Buy music.
*Buy chocolate.
*Buy Guinness.
*Buy Jonathan Rhys Meyers.

5 Jobs that I have had:

*Bookstore Manager
*Legal Assistant
*Crazy Bag Lady

5 Things People Don’t know about me:

*Well if I told you these things, then I wouldn’t have anything to put on the next silly random facts meme, now would I?

Oh! And have you worn the Mad Hat yet? Best hurry and try it on! Only a few days left!!

 

February 28, 2008
Categories: Daily

  • the he said/she said

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    1.©2008 by Courtney Hebert as Judith Shakespeare.
    2.Subscribe to the feed, the comments or just the reviews.
    3.Blog title courtesy of Oscar Wilde, pseudonym Virginia Woolf, design JudithShakes.