Bedlam, Thy Name is Roadtrip OR Just One More Reason for Me to Leave My Husband for the Crackberry

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WEEK FIVE

Yes, it’s Saturday again.

Bad, bad Judith.

But in my defense, I haven’t blogged all week due to just all around suck-iness… And we couldn’t have the other weekdays feeling the favoritism, now could we? (Yes, I know I blogged Monday, but I’d already typed out that sentence before I remembered that little fact, and the backspace button is so beyond me at this moment. Much like Beckham’s ass. Sigh.)

Of course not.

On the ass shrinkage front, I’m down another three pounds this week which puts me at a grand total of 19… And I’m feeling rather happy about all that considering that I ate a couple of hot dogs and pizza last weekend.

(The thought of adding "Caramel-Mocha Java Chiller" to that sentence kind of makes me seem like a big ol’ cheating pig. So I’m not gonna. But I sooooooo did. Oh yes, I did.)

For those of you who do not know, I am doing a combination of Nutrisystem and counting calories.

Yeah, I know that the commercials say that there’s no counting calories with the program…

What can I say?

They’re FULL OF SHIT.

They give you a list of vegetables that you can eat next to some bold-faced type that says"unlimited amounts"…

And by "in unlimited amounts", they actually mean "1/2 cup". And while I’m sure that 1/2 cup of lettuce seems like all that is the epitome of unlimited to say… Anorexic Fucking Barbie; us real-folk are HU-UN-GRY.

And half a fucking cup of lettuce is but the first bite towards "unlimited" if  you know what I mean.

So I’ve been sticking to under 1200 calories a day.

Except when I’m eating hot dogs and pizza, of course.

I’m sure that I could do the same without forking over the dough (hmmmmm, dough) each month for  the astronaut fare, but the fact that I’m actually forking over that much dough (hmmmmm, dough) each month actually keeps me on track.

Except when I’m eating hot dogs and pizza, of course. :)

Now on to other things…

I’m leaving this morning to visit my mother.

It’s a seven hour drive.

I’m taking the children.

By. Myself.

Oh God.

I’m taking the children.

BY.MYSELF.

And I can’t find that happy little band of Valium Fairies anywhere.

But Typepad put out a great little app for my Blackberry, so I’ll keep you all updated on my decline into insanity.

I’m sure there will be cursing…

And lots of typos.

May 31, 2008
Categories: I Heart Demerol


1.©2008 by Courtney Hebert as Judith Shakespeare.
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