Cutting Corners with Chainsaws & Various Other Things That Bear No Relevance

Oatmeal Cranberry Walnut Cookies

Oatmeal Cranberry Walnut Cookies

Please stop licking your computer screen. I’m fairly certain it tastes like ass. And it can’t be at all sanitary…

But if it makes you feel better, the very quick and super easy three step recipe for those nomilicious cookies pictured above can be found at the bottom of this post once you’re done reading all of my fascinating and thought-provoking personal dialogue.

Unless, of course, you skip the rest of this post.

Which is totally cheating.

And nobody likes a cheater.

Not even Baby Jesus.

Just sayin’.

Now where were we…?

Ah, yes, I know… thought-provoking dialogue. Got it.

When I was kid, I was neighbors and friends with the daughter of our high school’s home economics teacher. Home economics not being my thing, I, of course, completely missed out on learning how to properly sew (something that I now regret) and all of the benefits of using a crying, pooping, needs-to-be-held robot baby as a sex education tool (something that I now regret even more). But I had a friend whose mom was the home ec teacher. Bygones.

One evening, while having dinner at said friend’s house, I sat in silent amazement at the beautiful weekday meal that her mom had made. I just couldn’t imagine how much this woman had her shit together in order to work all day, cater to the whims of two children, run about to and fro and do all of those other necessary things that mothers do, and still have time to come home and put together a homemade lasagna, a vegetable side with a fancy name, fresh bread and salad, iced teas in pretty glasses, and a cake to boot.

My mom was making macaroni and cheese.

And no cake.

Unless Little Debbie’s count.

(And, dude, they sooo do.)

After dinner, when I was helping my friend with the dishes (because, in my book of newfound appreciation for both Donna Reid and Clare Huxtable, her mom needed a moment to put up her feet and relax), I began waxing poetic on how awesome the meal was and how I just didn’t know how her mom had the time and perhaps I should take home ec to learn the trade… yada, yada, yada.  I think I was probably going into the tenth solid minute of discussing, most inappropriately for a teenager that had much better things to occupy her mind (read: boys), how time consuming  making a homemade lasagna must be, when she held up her hand and said in a most exasperated voice,

“Judith, it’s just Stoffer’s.”

Judith’s Three-Step Nomilicios Oatmeal Cranberry Walnut Cookies

Step One: Visit your local Kroger’s and spend a whopping $2.50 on a package of their premade Oatmeal Cranberry Walnut Cookie Dough.

Step Two: Follow the directions on the package.

Step Three: Relax, put your feet up, and enjoy.

October 19, 2009
Categories: Daily, Eat Me, Martha Stewart!


1.©2009 by Courtney Hebert as Judith Shakespeare.
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3.Blog title courtesy of Oscar Wilde, pseudonym Virginia Woolf, design JudithShakes.