Friday, April 25, 2008 | 11 responses | Filed Under: Only Judith & Read Books
Hi! My name is Judith, and I am a book whore.
(Hmmmm… I really wanted to hyphenate that for some reason. Perhaps I'm a book-whore instead. Or maybe a bookwhore? Dude, it's far too complicated to call oneself disparaging names in type. Makes a girl wanna opt for the golden standard of Goddess instead.)
Hi! My name is Judith, and I am a Goddess.
And now that we've got the introductions out of the way, I thought we'd move on to our regularly scheduled posting- which isn't so regularly scheduled at all. (Did you know that I have an entire category called Excuses,Excuses solely for posts where I blog about not blogging. I'm afraid my hypocrisy irony knows no bounds.) Due to a little bit of this and a little bit of that, the design site is terribly behind; and I've been been playing non-stop catch-up… and getting no where.
Hi! My name is Judith, and I am frustrated beyond measure.
So what's a frustrated, book-whorish Goddess such as myself to do? She gives it to you fast and hard, baby, and then promises to come back once you're able and give it to you long and soft hard… Just like you like it.
And without further adieu, I give you this week's…
Fabulous Judith's Fabulously Short List of Fabulously Short Posts that Never Were (or FJFSLFSPNW for short)
The Women's Studies section of the local bookstore is a sad, sad, little three-inch section that consists of one used copy of The Feminine Mystique and two shiny new copies of The Politically Incorrect Guide to Women, Sex, and Feminism (which I keep moving to the humor section, of course). Yet I return week after week on the off-chance that someone in their little hierarchy may have finally grown a uterus or a pair of decent balls (and to move the guidebook back to humor lest someone actually take it seriously).
As sad as the above section is, it just so happens to be right next to the reference section where. last week, I just so happened to come across Classic Clues for Real Life: The Classic Wit & Wisdom of Nancy Drew- which more than made up for its $17 price tag with gems like these:
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- "Red lipstick makes a great window SOS when you've been kidnapped and stolen away on a plane." The Mystery of the Fire Dragon
- "Keeping an emergency five dollars in your purse is a great idea- until your purse is stolen." The Mystery at the Ski Jump
- "Be careful around your klutzy friends, you might get dragged over a cliff." The Secret of the Golden Pavilion
- "You know he's the right guy for you when he can dismantle a mad scientist's powerful transmitter and save the world!" Mystery of the Moss-Covered Mountain
Last Saturday, some dipshit and a half came into the backyard and stole Peter's four-wheeler (I've mentioned that we're hicks, right?). When telling the Middle One about the theft, he says with all seriousness, "I'll need a Spiderman mask and some web."
My ass is seriously out of control (Perhaps because I sit in front of a computer screen all day?). So, I started Nutri-System on Wednesday. I'm down three pounds in two days… The food isn't to die for; but with nifty little packets of powder that magically turn into chocolate cakes and chicken enchiladas, I get to pretend to be an astronaut. (Which isn't at all as fun as I thought it would be.)
I've suddenly starting receiving CosmoGirl, Latina Magazine, Seventeen, and TeenVogue out of the blue… I have an odd feeling that someone is trying to tell me something, although I have no idea what. But according to the "Find Your Perfect Prom Date" quiz that I filled out, I've been dating the wrong kind of men for years.
It is my firm belief that every woman should know her correct bra-size. If you don't, I pity you. (Email me and I'll tell you how to fit yourself.)
Finally had the "laminated list" conversation with the husband… Took him four hours to settle on Jessica Biel for all of his five spots. Took me four hours to narrow it down to five (who, unsurprisingly, all have delectable accents). Took us four seconds to narrow it down to who was the more wanton.
Now wasn't that a good idea? :)
P.S. Do I have your address? I'm also a stationary/notecard whore, ummmmm, stationary/notecard-whore and actually still practice the art of the written word (Oh the horror!). I already send random notes to Qweenie over at Qweenie's Court and Rachel of Monkeys & Princesses. If you'd like a little Shakespearean love of your own, visit my Ask Judith section and leave me your info.
April 25, 2008
I'm sending you my address! Yipeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!
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April 25, 2008
Nancy Drew was a genius. Those survival tips were hilarious.
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April 25, 2008
I love mail of the tangible kind. :)
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April 25, 2008
My list is:
Clive Owen
Clive Owen
Clive Owen
Clive Owen
Javier Bardem
:)
Send me some mail dude!
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April 26, 2008
I knew there was a reason I read so much Nancy Drew as a kid. I've been practicing memorizing license plates at a glance ever since. I'm still not as good at it as she was. But I do try.
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April 28, 2008
So I'm dying to know who your 5 are. Do tell!
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April 28, 2008
So at what point do I get a "Most Dedicated Reader" award??
kidding
mostly
Love you!
~Q
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April 28, 2008
"I'll need a Spiderman mask and some web."…
Absolutely classic!
That Nancy Drew, wow, one nifty lady. Did you ever wish she would hook up with the Hardy Boys? I did.
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April 29, 2008
"I'll need a Spiderman mask and some web", OMG hilarious.
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May 1, 2008
Hiya schnookums.
Nutri System! Wow. I'm so impressed.
I love that he wanted to be spiderman to solve the crime. Too precious.
I love my notes from you!! I do, I do.
I almost have my voice back and can talk again, although I might cough through the phone and blow you away if I call you. Miss you lovey!
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May 2, 2008
BTW : Qwennies Court doesn't link to Qweenies Court :-)
Smooches lovey.
Testing 1, 2, 3
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