Get Off of Me, Would ‘Ya? | The Only Thing I Know: A Mom Blog of Slacker Proportions

Peter is a “cuddler”.

Yes, a cuddler. One of those fabulous type of creatures that loves to be tucked up close and personal-like with his nose planted firmly in my hair because he “loves the way it smells”, his arms wrapped tightly under my breasts, and his legs all tangled up with mine.

It’s so sweet.

I hate it.

Don’t get me wrong… The sentiment behind it is truly beautiful and flattering to no end; but the man is heavy, and I can’t breathe. Hell, even if I could, we’d still be facing the major obstacle that is me hating to be stuck beneath/beside/over/around another human being. . .

This is why I don’t co-sleep with my babies. Well, that and the fact that everyone in my house other than myself, of course, projects an ungodly amount of body heat hot enough to inflict sunburns of the most painful sorts. (I probably should mention that I take the term “fair-skinned” to an entirely different realm and literally glow in the dark. So, these burns are not, in fact, an imagined impossibility pulled from the crazy place that is my head.)

Oh. And our marriage bed just so happens to be part of a stunning antique bedroom suit from the turn of the twentieth century. Peter claims that I wouldn’t “complain” so much if we moved up to a queen from our sad little full sized (the unwanted modernization of the entire furniture scheme implied) . I claim that the age-old theory of beauty before function would work just perfectly in this matter if he’d simply keep his big paws on his side of the bed.

Luckily, I ran across these today, and hope has once agin dared to briefly raise its down-trodden head:

Of course, they’ll never work… but a girl’s gotta dream.

February 23, 2007
Categories: Daily

http://kisses2kenney808.wordpress.com/ My Imaginary Friends Think You’re Funny

That blog sounded so familiar, I almost thought I wrote it myself. I had to check to see who the author was. lol

My hubby, too, is a big cuddler. He wants to sit on top of one another all day long, intertwine our bodies during the slumber hours (this includes big, heavy, log leg thrown over me), and walk hand and hand every chance available.

I agree, the sentiment is flattering, loving, and much appreciated. But I too, hate to be hung on, laid on, held onto, slept on, breathed on, ect. Hell, most of the time I hate to be touched (well atleast by most people)

Dear ol’ Hubby also has a body temperature at night that would make the Devil himself sweat and complain. Literally! He will sleep in the least amount of clothing possible… Which means his hot, sweaty skin will stick to each inch of my body all night long. And I hate the feeling of “skin peeling off skin”.

When we first got together, I thought it was sweet and I kept my mouth shut about how uncomfortable it made me feel. Now, 7 years later, I just want ‘cha outta my damn bubble! (Warning: Invasion of Personal Space. Self Implode set in 5, 4, 3….) lol

Great post hunny, I loved it! =)
Jenn

Thank you for this post!

My husband is a huge cuddler & also loves to “play footsies” while in bed. Let me state for the record that he wears a size 14 shoe. That’s right ladies, 14!! ;-) Needless to say, his feet are pretty darn heavy!

“Next to, not on top of me.” That is my motto whenever my husband gets in a snuggly mood. So you can imagine it being said a zillion times a week.

I, too, love the sentiment behind the act. And I will hold hands & sit thigh to thigh on the sofa to watch TV. But I draw the line at sleep-time. Do not crawl all up on me & invade my personal snooze space! Back off man! Next to, not on top of me!!
Kirstie

here, here!!
Although JP is not a cuddler per say, but rather a whole bed sleeper. His body in all it’s various stages of sleep, seems to creep over onto my side of the bed or onto me. I tell him to roll over, move it, stop breathing near me, all to no avail!! I too have considered a bigger bed but since we already have a queen size so there’s only one more size to go up to. Ohwell, I guess now I know why Nana & Papa have those twin beds!!
Aidansmom2006

My husband is exactly the same. And he always gets offended when I ask him to get off of me. LOL
Jen

Oh my goodness, I thought I wrote this! You just described the last 12 years of my life! My husband is a biiiig cuddler–much to my everlasting chagrin. He’s always been a hanger-on. My parents nicknamed him “Clinging Vine” while we were dating. I don’t think I need to explain that one. My hubby seems to have the same problem as many of the other hubbies–insanely high body heat. I swear, my husband has a fever 24/7/365. When I get into bed, the last thing I want is some snoring, heavy, HOT man hanging all over me. “Turn over, keep your hot paws to yourself, and try not to snore”…that’s how I usually say goodnight to him. I love him but don’t want to be touched while I sleep. It’s the only time I get to myself! Thanks for writing this post…I feel so much better about myself knowing I’m not the only one!!!
http://CafeMom Tish

My dh is not normally one to show affection, but at night he loves to be all over me. Because he’s an OTR driver I’m used to sleeping alone more than I am sleeping with him (he’s usually gone 7-10 days and then home for 1 or 2) and that makes it even more aggravating and it makes it very hard to sleep! He is also like an electric blanket year-round. In order for him to fall asleep he must be underneath covers…even in the dead of summer and I can’t handle that “skin peeling off skin” feeling that My Imaginary Friends… mentioned! UUGGHHH! I’m glad I’m not the only one that feels this way…I always thought that I would love to have a hubby that wanted to cuddle and spoon the night away. Now that I’ve been married for 15 years I have revised my opinion on that subject, except in the winter because our bedroom gets very cold and he’s cheaper than a real electric blanket and less of a fire hazard (especially since he quit smoking LOL).
FiestyBitch

How can my hubby be in bed with me and with all of you at the same time?!
We have a queen size bed and he still insists on being rightthere!!! I solve it with a qucik jab to the kidney, he moves every time!!
http://theonlything.wordpress.com/ judithshakespeare

Hmmmm. For so many of us to be suffering so; I think some sort of revolution may be in order! LOL.

Thanks, ladies, for stopping by!
kater

maybe your peter should sleep with my tad. then you & i could share a bed and actually get some sleep without having to fight for it!!! we’d been sleeping in a california king (sometimes known as a western king). the mattress was 9 feet square. now THAT’S a bed! we’ve moved down to a king recently, b/c we no longer have need for a place for babies to sleep. it was difficult finding apartments with rooms (and stairwells) big enough for that bad boy, but i had my space!
http://blogpaul.com Paul

Ironically I clicked on this post coming from your feedburner myspace link (which by the way I will be adding thanks). The ironic part was that the reason I clicked is that I am a pig and I got the words ‘me’ and ‘off’ switched around, which would have made for a totally different blog and thank the Lord it was just the devil messin with me.

I loved the post and I stumbled the rulered bed picture…wow THAT is my ex wife…all women want that warm and cuddling guy to treat them like a woman should be treated…and then when you get it you want your man to smack you around a little!!! hehe

loved the post! will keep checkin in…are you on mybloglog? you should be if not

paul
http://theonlything.wordpress.com/ judithshakespeare

Hey Paul!

Thanks for stopping by… even though it was, initially, for nefarious reasons. :) As for the post, my poor mistreated hubby said almost the same thing. Of course, he never did carry out that threat of “not cuddling with me ever again”.

Humph. Not sure what to think about that.
http://www.cafepress.com/shimmers Moira

wow… haha I’m the complete opposite. While my other half loves to do the cuddle bit, he’s the freezing fellow to my human furnace. I think that’s part of why he’s “kept me around”. no butterball turkeys for that one!