Hmmmm… I Wonder If Your Jock Strap Will Burn As Well As My Bra Does.

Another fine rant brought to you by an emotional, blubbering, scrapbooking woman.


As a a matter of fact, I don’t scrapbook.

At all.

Not that there’s anything wrong with scrapbooking, it’s just not a medium in which I excel. Much like sewing, ironing, and frying eggs; it’s just one of those things that I don’t do unless absolutely necessary. Therefore, the only sewing, ironing, and egg-frying that occurs in this house is done by my husband.

Because, unlike me, he actually can sew, iron, and fry an egg. And he can do it all rather well, if I do say so myself.

Ah… But the question here is, Can he Scrapbook?

While thumbing through this month’s issue of Parenting magazine, I stumbled upon something rather disheartening lodged between the page number (29) and a poll on whether or not it’s acceptable to re-gift a child’s present (47% say Yes)…

Don’t worry, it wasn’t a scandalous picture of a woman breastfeeding or anything as terrible as all that *snicker*.

It was simply a picture of a man…

Who was crying.

And next to this weeping male, a simple definition:

fe-man \fe-man\ noun

The opposite of a he-man, he cries openly, compiles scrapbooks, and does other stuff that’d freak us out to see our husbands do.

A fe-man?

A fe-man?

Can I get a WTF? from the congregation please?

WTF who/what/why the fuck?

The universal interrogative particle.

I set the magazine in front of my egg-frying, button-sewing, iron-wielding husband; and poked the page a few times with my finger.

“Want me to get the matches or a pen?” he jokes.

“I haven’t made up my mind yet, ” I say in all seriousness, “Do you scrapbook?”

“Not that I know of. Do you?”

“Nope… And I’m expecting my penis to grow in any day now because of it.”

feminism /as it pertains to Judith/

My belief that anyone, male or female, should be able to do anything without suffering the backlash of out-dated, ridiculous, dumbass, ignorant, “You should be in the kitchen…” gender connotations.

So, my dear Parenting editors, if you absolutely insist on sticking us all into one of those little demographic boxes lined up so prettily across your desks…

Maybe it’s finally time to take a big leap into this century and replace the ones labeled “Stereotypes” with ones that say something along the lines of “Can’t cut a straight line or Allergic to Glue” and “Enjoys Glitter”.

Or you could just come on over to my house and tell my son that he “throws like a girl”.

Whatever makes you feel better.

July 25, 2008
Categories: Daily, Only Judith

1.©2008 by Courtney Hebert as Judith Shakespeare.
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3.Blog title courtesy of Oscar Wilde, pseudonym Virginia Woolf, design JudithShakes.