I’ll have a Lady Bic with a moisturizing strip and a side of clergy, please.

Hey there! Long time, no blog, eh?

Things have been unbelievably insane around these here parts as of late, and I’ve barely had time to brush my hair,  much less figure out something clever about which to blog.

Unless one counts that draft about ingrown hairs in the most uncomfortable places (read: eyebrows, the outer labia) as clever.  Painful? Most definitely, yes. But I think that calling it “clever” might be pushing it a little…

Even if it is in iambic pentameter.

So in lieu of a rhyming entry on the perils of inappropriate hair removal, I thought I’d just give you all a (relatively) quick Top Five on what’s been going down in Shakespeare-ville over the last few weeks:

Sibling Rivalry

1.  I cured my baby fever.

I’ll admit it. That new baby smell makes my uterus ache something fierce. A couple of snuggles with my new little nephew, and I was all looking at my husband with that “you know you wanna knock me up” sparkle in my eye. (Of course, he was too busy looking at my breasts to give a patoot about what was happening with my eyes.)

But then I got stuck babysitting all of the kids.

“All of the kids” as in a three-year-old, two five-year-olds,  the smart ass ten-year-old, and the newborn.

Two hours in, I was desperately trolling emo websites to find the correct method of slitting one’s wrists with a  razor blade.

Three hours in, I realized that I should probably start investing in sharper razors.

Phineas (The Lazy Cat)

2.  I cured my baby fever.

We finally got to bring home Phineas a couple of weeks ago… even though we had to drive nearly to Kentucky to do so.  Everyone was so excited on the way home, giggling every time that cat so much as blinked. Once home, we all sprawled about the livingroom, spending hours tossing a little yarn ball and watching the little fluff of cat chase after it.

And then we went to bed.

And then the cat cried.

And then I turned the  light back on.

And the the cat cried louder.

And then I put it in the bed with us.

And the he sat on my head, and bit my nose, and scratched my eyelid, and attacked my feet, and ate my hair, and got stuck in Peter’s chain..

And then I put it back on the floor.

And then the cat cried.

And then I turned the  light back on.

And the the cat cried louder.

And then I put it in the bed with us.

Middle One Turns 5

3.  I cured my baby fever.

I’m either really fertile during a certain part of the year, or I’ve  simply got mad  organizational skillz (yo) as I somehow managed to give birth to my children in subsequential order. Birthdays around here are celebrated in January, February, and March. It’s what we like to refer to as the “Birthdays Season”- which closed this year on the 29th of March with That Middle One’s 5th.

While picking up his custom-ordered cake that he’d been asking for for a month, he suddenly decided that he did not want the [already purchased] cake and would much prefer the stack of semi-frozen Superman cupcakes on display.

Matter of fact, he insisted on them.

Insisted as in pitched a holy hell “oh my god, my child is obviously the spawn of the devil, somebody find me a new priest and an old priest, post haste” fit.

Needless to say, we had Superman cupcakes for his birthday.

Those and a bag of “Birthday Hot Cheetos”.

4. I’ve cured my baby fever.

Did you know that it’s actually possible to flush an entire stuffed cat, two Bionicles, and a pair of  earrings down the toilet all at once?

Me neither.

Aren’t I lucky to have a toddler who does?

14/365: Hey Peter...

5. I’ve cured my baby fever.

Peter was offered a really great job back in our hometown in Louisiana… This means that we’ll be moving AGAIN.  Feel free to go back through my archives for a definite count; I lost it three houses and two states ago. I’ve got lots of misgivings about this move, all of which I’m sure I’ll get into later, but it is home. And familiar. And filled with real-life friends whom I’ve known since grade school.

And the job pays really well.

So well, in fact, that he had to leave last week in order to get started.

Which means that I’m still here.

PLAYING THE ROLE OF SINGLE-MOTHER.

Until the summer.

BY MYSELF. … … … … …

Hey there! Long time, no blog, eh?

I’m so very sorry for not keeping in touch, but we had a recent death in the family. Namely, my uterus. And I was busy baking a batch of celebratory consolation Superman cupcakes.

But I’m back now.

Sorta.

Did you miss me?

April 8, 2009
Categories: Daily, Only Judith
Tags: ,


1.©2009 by Courtney Hebert as Judith Shakespeare.
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