It is a truth universally acknowledged…

that, given the proper chance, a wife will thoroughly embarrass her spouse.

In front of all his mates.

And he will never live it down.

Never.

Although, to be fair, I must say that had I known that the little blue tooth thingamajig that is permanently fused to my husband’s ear was, at that particular time, actually connected to the Playstation 3 rather than his cell phone; and that he was actually speaking with a handful or so of people, both stranger and friend alike, that were likewise attached to Playstation’s themselves rather than just the one guy that we’ve both known forever who tends to appreciate marital discord like no other, I might not have done the following:

Judith:[hands Peter a coke] Here ‘ya go.

Peter: [nods]

Judith: [waits a few patient seconds and then takes coke back] Killing zombies makes you forget your manners, eh?

Peter: [makes a dirty face and guestures for the return of the coke]

Judith: [hands Peter a coke] Here ‘ya go…

Peter: [clenches teeth] Thank you.

Judith: [in a sing-song voice] Thank you… what?

Peter: [grinds teeth audibly] Thank you for the coke.

Judith: [continuing in the sing song voice that even makes her gag] Thank you for the coke… what?

Peter:  [with resignation] Thank you for the coke, honey.

Judith: [leaving the room] You’re welcome!

Several hours later…

Judith: Oh good, you’re done. I was about to come in here and scream at you like a fishwife or something for you to get off that stupid thing…

Peter: [rolls eyes] Yeah… God forbid you sound like a fishwife.

Judith: Are you calling me a fishwife???

Peter: Now why would I call you a fishwife? I mean– it’s not like I just spent the last three hours playing a game with a bunch of guys who, at every turn, would say to me, “Thank you, honey.” If I shot a zombie, “Thank you, honey.” Covered their back, “Thank you, honey.” Helped them figured out a move, “Thank you, honey.” So why in the world would I ever call you a fishwife? It’s not like that was embarrasing or anything— Oh, for heaven’s sake, stop laughing.  It’s not funny.

Judith: [wiping tears from her eyes] You’re right. It’s not funny. I’m sorry… honey.

It is a truth universally acknowledged

that, given the proper chance, a wife will thoroughly embarrass her spouse.

In front of all his mates.

And he will never live it down.

Never.

Ain’t love grand???

December 2, 2008
Categories: Daily, I Heart Demerol


1.©2008 by Courtney Hebert as Judith Shakespeare.
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3.Blog title courtesy of Oscar Wilde, pseudonym Virginia Woolf, design JudithShakes.