When I was seventeen, an eye doctor, who smelled strongly of old spice and good tobacco, told me that I would eventually lose sight in both of my eyes (one already being 95% blind since the early eighties) thanks to macular degeneration.
When I was twenty-three, a specialist, who smelled of Hugo Boss and good leather, clarified the other diagnosis with one semi-insulting query:
“Were you raised on a farm?”
Turns out that the aforementioned blindness in my right eye was not caused by any sort of degenerative eye disease so much as by a nifty little thing called toxoplasmosis. (You know… that thing that gives you an excuse to pass over the kitty litter duty during pregnancy.)
This new diagnosis was great in the fact that I would not be going blind.
Gross in the fact that, somewhere along my hazard-filled, unsupervised, Lord of the Flies-esque childhood, I touched poop.
Ewwww.
Being blind in one eye, as sucky as it is, does have its advantages, however. For starters, I get to load my kids off on the nearest sucker with two working eyes whenever some super-duper-so-fabulous-oh-mom-I’m-so-flippin’-excited-I-could-pee-myself-and-can-I have-popcorn-please cartoon comes out in 3D. (Neener. Neener.)
And then there’s that no-doctor-worth-his-Hugo-Boss-prescribes-a-blind-chick-contacts need for the super-hot-slutty-librarian glasses.
Thirdly…
Well…
Ummmm…
Uhhhh…
Aren’t my new glasses just too cute?!@&@?
Tara R.
Tuesday, 2 June, 2009 at 19:24They are fantabulous! And make you look smokin' hawt.
Tara R.’s lastest bit of awesomeness: Gift giving angst.
On Twitter: @ Tara_R
Judith Shakespeare
Thursday, 4 June, 2009 at 11:44Thanks, honey!!!
Marie
Tuesday, 2 June, 2009 at 20:12Those glasses are fantastic! And, of course, the tongue sticking out helps with the fabulousness! LOL
Judith Shakespeare
Thursday, 4 June, 2009 at 11:45… I keep thinking that I should have eaten some of the boys' blue candy before doing the pics… or red koolaid. Yeah, red koolaid could've been cool.
junebug
Tuesday, 2 June, 2009 at 21:01Your glasses certainly are cute. But you are the strikingly cute one!
junebug’s lastest bit of awesomeness: Lola.
Judith Shakespeare
Thursday, 4 June, 2009 at 11:45*Blushes* Thanks, hon!
Obi-Mom Kenobi
Tuesday, 2 June, 2009 at 21:29Broke… Must.not.buy.new.glasses.now.
You're not helping matters, you know.
Obi-Mom Kenobi’s lastest bit of awesomeness: I’ve got a bad feeling about this..
On Twitter: @ obimomkenobi
Judith Shakespeare
Thursday, 4 June, 2009 at 11:47Dude, I totally got these from some Doc-in-the-Box for under $100… which means I get to look cute and SEE for a whole year for less than what my cable bill is in one month. Awesome.
Jewels
Tuesday, 2 June, 2009 at 22:43Love them!!
And the loss of sight due to playing in poo is rather, well, gross! Better then the other diagnosis though. *delivered from the big jar'o perspective*
Jewels’s lastest bit of awesomeness: The Missing Link.
Judith Shakespeare
Thursday, 4 June, 2009 at 11:47That jar is limitless, is it not? :) And, yeah, totally gross.
Qweenie
Tuesday, 2 June, 2009 at 22:46FABULOUS!!
I adore the new glasses….ya big hottie!
Qweenie’s lastest bit of awesomeness: I Like Games and Free Stuff too!!.
On Twitter: @ Qweenie
Judith Shakespeare
Thursday, 4 June, 2009 at 11:48Eventually, you will see them in person… someday… if I ever get my shit together.
Kathy
Wednesday, 3 June, 2009 at 0:39Gorgeous!
Judith Shakespeare
Thursday, 4 June, 2009 at 11:49Thank you!!!
Vic
Wednesday, 3 June, 2009 at 4:32I'm rather taken by the hawtness of them – or is that the chick behind them?
Judith Shakespeare
Thursday, 4 June, 2009 at 11:50It's totally the glasses… They have rhinestones. :)
Jeanette
Wednesday, 3 June, 2009 at 6:51Very cool new glasses. Never knew you could go blind from that, wow!
Jeanette’s lastest bit of awesomeness: Dry Winter Landscapes.
On Twitter: @ jenty
Judith Shakespeare
Thursday, 4 June, 2009 at 11:50Yeah… If I'm not mistaken, the doctor actually used the words, "…ate your retna". I'll wait here while you go and get the hand sanitizer.
Kim
Thursday, 4 June, 2009 at 9:11Stunning. You. and the glasses.. perfect
Kim’s lastest bit of awesomeness: Wordless Wednesday – Looks & Talent.
Judith Shakespeare
Thursday, 4 June, 2009 at 11:52Shucks… I love you.
Jenni
Thursday, 4 June, 2009 at 22:16I'm thinking I might need some glasses! They are super cute. And you are lovely!
Jenni’s lastest bit of awesomeness: Fifth Child Syndrome.
Judith Shakespeare
Monday, 8 June, 2009 at 10:25If everyone had cute glasses, the world would be lovelier place… :)
BusyDad
Friday, 5 June, 2009 at 1:56I like them. I cannot say anything else that would not get me in trouble.
BusyDad’s lastest bit of awesomeness: Next Comes "Can You Drop Me Off a Block Away?".
Judith Shakespeare
Monday, 8 June, 2009 at 10:28Only comments with the words "Ann Coulter is smart" get anybody into trouble around here, I swear!
MommyTime
Saturday, 6 June, 2009 at 19:51These are smokin' awesome! You look amazing in them. And I can hardly see the toxoplasmosis at all. ;)
MommyTime’s lastest bit of awesomeness: That's Just How Dogs' Lifes Are.
Judith Shakespeare
Monday, 8 June, 2009 at 10:29The chick at the DMV told me that she could tell the difference… I told her that I didn't think she could. She added 10 lbs to my weight. Bah.
Secret Agent Mama
Friday, 12 June, 2009 at 8:21I'm with Busy Dad but I'll say it, "You're so hot that I'd totally DO ya!"