Friday, August 15, 2008 | 11 responses | Filed Under: Daily
Only Judith
Native Americans once believed that a woman was so "unclean" during her period that she had to be quarantined away from the rest of her tribe in order not spread the bad juju to the mighty men-folk or make all the buffalo die or something equally horrendous and superstitious.
Now, the feminist in me could sit down right this minute and write a 700 page thesis on how women have been subjugated to bottom rung and bearers of all that is wrong with the world by that ancient "He-Man Woman Hater's Club" since the beginning of time…
But the uterus in me wants to be banished to her own tepee away from everyone else.
And maybe go to the bathroom by myself every once in a while.
And some chocolate.
Overheard in Shakespeare-Ville
"… Did you mention to your mother about all of the problems you've been having with your truck lately?"
"No. She'll just tell me to play some Christian music and turn it up loud enough for the engine to hear it."
Random News & Updates (And A Lot of Boob)
- I'm posting a hodge podge of random crap that I've decided to count as a full blog post because my boobs hurt too much for me to post that tale about how my camera will not get me killed in Mexico regardless of killer vines and my husband's lack of appreciation for cheesy horror flicks.
- I've added a new Design Shoppe to JudithShakes Designs so there will be lots of new templates coming… as soon as my boobs stop hurting.
- Who the hell judges by a tenth of a point?? Seriously? The people behind the whole sports thing (and Mr. Potato Head) are anally nutterific.
- Nutterific: the art of being a stupid olympic gymnastic judge (or Hasboro) who is obviously whole number intolerant.
- Queen Wordmakerupper: That's Me.
- My photo was picked as a finalist for the 5minuteformom contest that I posted about the other day and I'd really really appreciate your vote (Go here, Pick #16, Now, Thank You). I'd offer to love you long time, but my boobs hurt.
- Have I mentioned that my boobs hurt?
- This was the spot where I was going to list all of the synonyms and euphemisms for breasts, but feel that maybe it would be a little much. Even for you guys.
Don't Make Me Write A Letter…
Dear Guy Who Thought Up the Sequel to The Lost Boys,
If gas weren't so expensive right now, I'd totally make the drive to toilet paper your house.
Sincerely,
The Girl Who Big Puffy Hearts Young Jason Patric Even Though She Couldn't Eat Chinese Noodles for Years After That One Scene
Your Buffalo Are Sooooo Dead, Dude…
"I think that that color might look really good on me…"
"You know what else would look good on you, don't 'ya?"
"Shut-UP, Peter."
August 15, 2008
LOL Are you pregnant? I mean…you can totally bleed and be pregnant…hell I did…and would explain the boob thing…
Anyway..I feel the same way about Lost Boys as well.
Not real comment on the rest…I, myself, am in my own tepee at the moment eating a 6 pack of Hershey bars and trying not to murder the hubs.
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August 15th, 2008
Checking myself for bullet holes…
Nope. Not pregnant.
(To get a vasectomy, if a man is married, he and his spouse have to sit down for a brief counseling session with the doctor in order to make sure that that's what they really want… When we made the appointment, the receptionist told us that the session would last about half an hour. However, the doctor took one look at my gigantic 38 1/2 week belly, the toddler attached to my leg, the other kid to my hand, and the look on my face and said… "Yeah, we can probably skip this part.")
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August 15th, 2008
Ok. Just checking…wasn't sure about the V thing. :-)
In that case..go and get thee to the store and get some chocolate! If you are on a diet…you can go back on it after this is over. That is my philosophy!
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August 15, 2008
What…there was a sequel to Lost Boys…I am so out of it:P
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August 15, 2008
I think you need your own private island somewhere in the Caribbean, some servant boys, and lots and lots of chocolate. That's what I think. Take me with you (please).
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August 15, 2008
Gosh, Judith, you are hilarious! Hope that wasn't cheap perfume to you! Maybe just a sweet smelling savor. The overheard was pretty funny. My daughter and I were just talking about periods the other day. We were in a restaurant eating and she smelled something not too good and said she might have to go check something out in the bathroom and I laughed and said that there was a fishy smell from the food. She said, "Oh great, 'cause I was hoping that wasn't me." Which lead to a conversation about how sometimes you just got to wonder when you're on your period and you go to the restroom just why once in a while it smells deadly. I hope you can relate to what I'm saying and not be aghast, but isn't that the truth?
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August 15th, 2008
LOL. Reminds me of a really old corny joke…
God was walking along through the Garden of Eden when he came upon Adam laying on the ground grinning from ear to ear.
"Adam, why are you so happy?" God says.
"Because Eve and I just discovered sex, God. And it was AMAZING."
"Yes, son, sex can be an amazing thing. I'm glad that you enjoyed it… But why are you sitting here all by yourself?"
"Oh, Eve just went down to the river to clean herself off," Adam says.
"Great, " says God, "Now how am I supposed to get that smell off the fish…"
(No where near as funny as it was when I was 13, of course, but the fact that I remembered it counts for something, right? No? Oh well. Thanks for stopping by, honey!)
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August 15, 2008
HAhahaha You're still funny, even without the toddlers screaming in the background, ya big bloody mess you!
Much love, diet coke and Midol to you dear!
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August 16, 2008
Plurk synchs us. I swear. There are like 4 or 5 of us on at the same time.
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August 16, 2008
Now, you see, I'm not so sure it was the menfolk who came up with the idea of women off in a lone tepee to themselves when it was "that time." Personally, I think the women came up with the idea (and allowed the men to think it was theirs because that way the men would go along with it). They had it right…. I'm going away so you can't annoy the hell out of me and I don't have to kill you. A week's vacation every month… Not such a bad deal!
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August 16, 2008
I'd vote for a private teepee some months. Might be nice to lie around and not have to cook, go to work, or tell my 3 year old to stay in bed for the 47th time at night.
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