One:  The number of  sighs that my laptop gave just before its last breath.

Two:  The number of  promises made to the “easily bribed with sexual favors” husband in exchange for a shiny replacement.

Three: The number of squeals I gave when I opened the pretty little box.

Seventy-Six:  The number of dollars spent for the super program that would move all of my programs and files from the recently departed laptop to the new one.

Thirty-Two: The number of hours it took for said programs and files to be moved over.

Twenty-Seven: The number of minutes the new laptop worked after the moving of said files.

Fifteen: The number of  times I took the Lord’s name in vain after the new laptop crashed for the first time.

Forty-Two: The number of times that I cursed the heavens after the new laptop crashed for the third time.

One:  The number of hours  it took to restore the new laptop to factory condition, erasing all of the newly migrated data.

One: The number of times that the aforementioned super program that moves over all of my files and programs can be used.

One: The number of times I had already used it.

Four: The number of hours that I spent migrating files by hand before…

Two: The number of speakers that did not work on the new laptop.

Five: The number of other odd glitches that I subsequently found on the new laptop.

Three: The number of hours that I had slept at this point.

Twenty-Three: The number of minutes it took to convince the husband to take the new laptop back to the store for me.

One:  The number of additional “favors” required.

Zero: The number of replacements available at the computer place.

Five: The number of times I had to hold the phone away from my mouth so that I didn’t scream my husband’s ear off.

Two: The number of times the salesperson heard me screaming over the phone and voiced her concern.

Thirty-Eight: The number of minutes it took for me to decide on an alternate model.

Four: The number of hours I spent migrating files “by hand”… Again.

Three: The number of very important programs that I couldn’t find files for…

Thousands: The number of emails, files, and various things sent to Elvis or wherever it is they go.

Seven Hundred: The number of tears cried.

Three: The number of days spent in hell.

Six: The number of hours slept

Four-Thirty: In the morning.

One: Insane Person.

Save me.