home | judith shakespeare | her past | her favorites | subscribe
      stalking judith
      aim  Flickr  Plurk  Twitter  MySpace  Alltop  Cre8buzz  JSD  MommyMatter  Yahoo  
      and for dessert...
      random blog goodness that no one should be without.
      steal this

Does this month's masthead make you smile? Or the post you just read have you coming away singing some song from the 80's? Then click here.

…Or At Least Give You a Really Decent Hand Job

Tuesday, August 26, 2008 | 30 responses | Filed Under: Daily & Only Judith & Prose/Bros

Nicole Locher is my hero.

Don't know who Nicole Locher is? Well, by all means, let me introduce you to her… Well, not her, exactly, but her clothing line:

Pretty little shirt, eh? Delicate and feminine with the added beauty of vintage-style embroidery.

It also says "will fuck for shoes".

See? Right there. will fuck for shoes.

There isn't a single shirt in the line that I don't covet more than chocolate-covered orgasms. And trust me, I covet chocolate-covered orgasms. A lot.

"You Suck" This one would be perfect for little league games and PTA meetings...

"You Suck" This one would be perfect for little league games and PTA meetings...

"Not Your Fucking Sweetheart" For those anxiously awaited date nights...

"I Ain't Your Fuckin' Sweetheart" For those anxiously awaited date nights...

"Best Piece of Ass in Town" Sunday brunch wear...

"Best Piece of Ass in Town" Sunday brunch wear...

"" I would wear this shirt, like, EVERY DAY...

"I really need fucking coffee" I would wear this shirt, like, EVERY DAY...

"Fucked in the Head" This would be my top-of-the-line, mommy-forum visiting shirt...

"Fucked in the Head" This would be my top-of-the-line, mommy-forum visiting shirt...

Unfortunately, while I have no doubts whatsoever at all in my ability to somehow manage to display these beauties as properly as they deserve- even in a normal toddler-inspired-and-appropriately-censored daily routine such as my own (see proposed schedule above); at $87 bucks a pop, they regretfully must forever remain on my Thou Shalt Covet Forever (Or At Least Until You Somehow Miraculously Become a Popular Blogger and People Actually Start Paying You to Write About Kotex Diapers and Busted Vibrators– Which Ain't Never Gonna Happen Because You Suck) List.

Unless, of course, you want to buy me one.

Then I'd totally give you that hand job.

Or send you naked pictures of the hubby.

Whichever.

On a cheaper note (although one must wonder how much cheaper one can get than giving up the goodies for a shirt…), OHMommy is giving away a pair of fabulous shoes from a surprising source. You should check it out.

No fucking required.

he said/she said
  1. Maria

    August 26, 2008

    OH. MY. GOD.
    I must have them. All of them. Now. Thank YOU!

    [I thought this post was going to go hand in hand with my own for tonight. Damn! *lol*]

    [you can reply directly to this comment]


    Judith Shakespeare

    August 26th, 2008


    …off to check out your post. Still got posting time. LOL.

    [you can reply directly to this comment]

    or comment on the post
  2. Shamelessly Sassy

    August 26, 2008

    What do I have to do for those naked pics of him again? Also, I like you read books. I like most of them. The ones I don't like, I have yet to read.

    [you can reply directly to this comment]


    Judith Shakespeare

    August 27th, 2008


    I really need to update the read books… Most people don't realize that they're actually posts. (If you're reading this, the read(books) section is links to actual posts- they just don't show up in my feed in case it'll bore you stupid. LOL)

    And I'll be posting more pics of Peter soon— between him and naked Beckham, my feed count saw a rather significant jump.

    [you can reply directly to this comment]

    or comment on the post
  3. Miss

    August 26, 2008

    Those are freaking KICK ASS SHIRTS.

    [you can reply directly to this comment]

    or comment on the post
  4. Qweenie

    August 26, 2008

    Okay when I win the lottery (Bwahahahahaha haha ha ho) I swear I am buying us each a full set and hey no hand job required!

    I will simply ask for your undying devotion and love….(I'm working my way up to soul sucking ya know) *wink*

    [you can reply directly to this comment]

    or comment on the post
  5. Lilacspecs

    August 26, 2008

    Now those? Those rock out loud. Damn.

    [you can reply directly to this comment]

    or comment on the post
  6. Lisa

    August 26, 2008

    O M G I want, no I need every single one.

    Why does all the cool stuff have to be so damn expensive?

    [you can reply directly to this comment]

    or comment on the post
  7. Mary

    August 26, 2008

    I think you should wear the piece of ass one to the PTA meetings, myself. Where do you fnd this shit?

    [you can reply directly to this comment]

    or comment on the post
  8. OHmommy

    August 26, 2008

    Oh my, those are so awesome shirts. I would love to see the face on my PTA mother's when I walk past them. Ha. I might start saving for one. Their looks would be priceless.

    [you can reply directly to this comment]

    or comment on the post
  9. Sandy

    August 26, 2008

    or comment on the post
  10. gigglingrizzly

    August 26, 2008

    I Want one, or all of them. Make my family adore me more please.

    [you can reply directly to this comment]

    or comment on the post
  11. Marie

    August 26, 2008

    OMG!!! I am in serious lust over *t-shirts*!!!! I want 'em!! Unfortunately, at that price, I know I can't have 'em. I guess I'll have to have my snarkiness come out via verbal discourse.

    [you can reply directly to this comment]

    or comment on the post
  12. the planet of janet

    August 26, 2008

    oh my god! those are awesome! i need them. all of them!

    but could you offer up a NSFW warning next time? (oops!)

    [you can reply directly to this comment]


    Judith Shakespeare

    August 27th, 2008


    Okay, perhaps I'm just too old to follow the lingo, but what the hell is NSFW? 'Cause I would totally do it if I knew what it was…

    No Shushing Feminist Women?
    Nudge Some Fat Walrus?
    Nom Some Fresh Wasabi?
    Nipples Save Fallen Warriors?
    Not Something For Walmart?

    Inquiring minds want to know, WTFDTM? :)

    [you can reply directly to this comment]


    the planet of janet

    August 27th, 2008


    Not Safe For Work.

    :-P

    [you can reply directly to this comment]


    Judith Shakespeare

    August 27th, 2008


    AH HAHAHAHAHA!

    Yeah… ummmm… Janet, my love, NEVER READ MY BLOG AT WORK. I say 'fuck' way too much and post naked man bits.

    Oh! And don't read Maria's either. While I only allude to hand jobs, she describes them in detail. LOL.

    [you can reply directly to this comment]

    or comment on the post
  13. Shannanb aka Mommy Bits

    August 26, 2008

    OMG. Those are Frickin' fabulous1

    [you can reply directly to this comment]

    or comment on the post
  14. T@SendChocolate

    August 27, 2008

    Oh my goodness, those are wild. Can you imagine wearing those to playgroup or Mom's Club? I want the one that says You Suck on it.

    Also? You have an amazing blog template, I really like it.

    T.

    [you can reply directly to this comment]


    Judith Shakespeare

    August 27th, 2008


    Me too! I figured that the "You Suck" would be pg-13 enough to pull off… They've also got some great ones that are in French (you know, so only the cool people know that your shirt says "little slut" on the collar).

    And thank you! I'm rather fond of it myself!!!

    [you can reply directly to this comment]

    or comment on the post
  15. LaskiGal

    August 27, 2008

    Finally. Fashion that says something. You know, I would have been the coolest high school (teacher) ever if I would have had this stuff (of course, if I didn't get fired first–that alone would've made me cool).

    [you can reply directly to this comment]

    or comment on the post
  16. Katherine

    August 27, 2008

    Must.have.the.clothes. Although I am going to have a damn hard time explaining to my husband why I spend 90 bucks on a shirt that says WILL FUCK FOR SHOES. Unless..

    [you can reply directly to this comment]


    Judith Shakespeare

    August 29th, 2008


    You and I totally think alike… LOL

    [you can reply directly to this comment]

    or comment on the post
  17. amy

    August 28, 2008

    I want one, no I want all! Those are pretty cool. And I'm thinking the you suck would be perfect for my next ladies' night out dinner since the hookers all talk about how young I am whenever I go to the restroom. You can never outrun your teenage pregnancies I guess…

    [you can reply directly to this comment]


    Judith Shakespeare

    August 29th, 2008


    *snicker* I'm totally putting that on a shirt…

    [you can reply directly to this comment]

    or comment on the post
  18. Jennae

    August 28, 2008

    Crazy awesome shirts! I spent forever this morning just looking at the collection. Very pricey… but so hip! My husband just ran a donation campaign on his website http://www.gorillasushi.com to get himself some new footbaging shoes.. some one actually bought him a pair and someone else is willing to pay for other equipment. I guess you never know how kind your readers can be!

    [you can reply directly to this comment]


    Judith Shakespeare

    August 29th, 2008


    Dear Kind Readers,

    Judith really wants a "Best Piece of Ass in Town" shirt to wear to Sunday brunch. And a breast lift. And maybe a new laptop…

    Thank you,
    Judith

    (But that's just totally awesome that someone did that! )

    [you can reply directly to this comment]

    or comment on the post
  19. cardiogirl

    September 2, 2008

    I swear I am going to save up for the "You Suck" shirt. But I certainly won't wait for my Google AdSense account to accumulate $87. Because that will take at least another 15 months and I *still* won't be at the $100 pay out mark.

    Here's a virtual "You Suck" elbow to Google AdSense.

    Oh. Right. This is not about Google.

    Um, cool shirts.

    [you can reply directly to this comment]


    Judith Shakespeare

    September 5th, 2008


    LOL. Right on, sister. Right on. :)

    [you can reply directly to this comment]

    or comment on the post
  20. The Only Thing I Know: A Mom Blog of Slacker Proportions » Blog Archive » 'Cause I'm a Total Slut Like That.

    September 13, 2008

    [...] when I announced to the [bloggity] world at large that I'd do the deed for a nice pair of shoes??? Turns out I don't have to… Because somewhere out there, there's some awesome [...]

    or comment on the post
share your brilliance...

there's no such thing as free speech on a weblog (after all, there's always some man behind some curtain with his hand on the delete button, right?)... so we'll call this your right to speech at a very good discount, mmmkay? in other words, you're encouraged to post whatever you like. feel free to agree, disagree, question, or whatever it is that'll tickle your pickle. I just ask that you do not spam, flood, or use an incredibly annoying amount of emoticons or cheap perfume.

They give me hives.

music
flickr
books



© Courtney Hebert 2007 - 2008.