To Serve Man

Alright, I’ll say it…

My breasts are starting to become a problem.

As much as I love the Betty and the Bertha (Bertha being the larger and decidedly more aggressive one- the alpha tit, if you will), I do believe that they may be the culprits behind my back aches and subsequent old lady groans.

Plus, if the amount of crumbs that fall about my feet when I finally let the girls out for their nightly free range romps are any indication, they’ve begun storing away food for the winter.

And, even you, dear reader, must admit…

It’s not that big of a leap from food hoarding to world domination.

January 5, 2010
Categories: Only Judith
Tags: ,
Title credit: That Twilight Zone episode with the cookbook...
Stuck in my head: Heart Skipped a Beat, The XX
  • http://twitter.com/JudithShakes JudithShakes

    To Serve Man http://goo.gl/fb/hRSo

    This comment was originally posted on Twitter

  • http://angryjuliemonday.com Angry Julie Monday

    Had a reduction in 2001…should have done it sooner…you can start a campaign…blog for smaller boobs…
    .-= Angry Julie Monday´s lastest bit of awesomeness: Cafe Rio arrives in Orange County =-.

    • Judith Shakespeare

      Did you really? My husband would have a cow, I think. Plus, I’d probably stop getting my coffee/alcohol/oil changes for free. And that would just suck.

  • http://www.qweeniescourt.blogspot.com Qweenie

    I want mine reduced and raised up…LOL

    and yes storing up resources (food) is the first step before world domination….
    .-= Qweenie´s lastest bit of awesomeness: Life is Unpredictable… =-.

    • Judith Shakespeare

      Raised up, most definitely. We may not have perky personalities but that doesn’t mean that our breasts shouldn’t, right?

  • http://insaneworld.wordpress.com Sandy

    I know your pain. After mine decided to get considerably larger when pregnant with my son and then never go back down…I stopped wearing bras unless absolutely necessary (like weddings and funerals). Otherwise I get a cramp in my shoulder that gives me a migraine for a week.

    I want to get a reduction…but I am on the heavy side and all the research I did says that the dr will ask me to lose weight first. Well, it would be easier to do that if I could actually exercise without being thrown off balance…anyway…

    • Judith Shakespeare

      You can actually NOT wear a bra…? Well, that’s just totally unfair. I’m not certain that I’d want a reduction, but I’d love a lift.

  • http://www.screweduptexan.com Screwed Up Texan

    I totally just had something funny written then realized it was highly inappropriate so I will just conclude with: I feel your pain.

    • Judith Shakespeare

      Dude, there’s no such thing as inappropriate on this blog. Unless you randomly start quoting George Bush or something…

  • http://ifmomsaysok.wordpress.com Tara R.

    With all the weight I’ve gained in the last couple of years, I kinda like that the Sisters have benefitted from the excess tonnage. But the whole food shelf thing is annoying.
    .-= Tara R.´s lastest bit of awesomeness: Insurance reform redeux =-.

    • Judith Shakespeare

      My sister often says that I could probably feed a third world country with the amount of food that falls down my shirt… lol

  • http://insaneworld.wordpress.com Sandy

    Well, technically if you want to go by fashion etiquette then I have to wear a bra because they do reach almost to my waist…but for some reason bra makers don’t make bras with big cups and small bands so I end up getting ones that are ill fitting in one way or another and they just cause me a lot of pain in my upper back and neck. So…the occasion really has to merit me being in pain.

    I love the winter because I can just layer things on and no one is ever the wiser. In the summer sometimes I will wear these spandex chemises from the maternity store and just tuck some of the fabric under my boobs so they don’t shake when I walk and put someone’s eye out. Doesn’t look good but at least I’m no in agony.

  • http://www.the-better-man.com Chris Nelson

    I find myself torn between concern for your comfort and my love of boobs in all forms, regardless of how much pain they cause.

    The only empathy I can offer is to tell you that just you have an alpha tit, I have an alpha testicle. It’s a problem.



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