I am surrounded non-stop by little screaming devils that have the faces of angels… They drive you insane, but they’re just too damn cute to beat. Add that to the fact that I never can find the vodka when I need it the most, Walmart only hires incompetent employees, and random snowstorms only occur whenever you’ve just driven two and a half hours to see a movie; and it’s a wonder that I’m not dancing in the streets with a thong on my head. Below, you’ll find posts detailing the path to a padded room…

Not what you need?

Ladies and gentlemen, you are such a wonderful crowd, we’d like to play a little tune for you. It’s one of my personal favorites and I’d like to dedicate it to a young man who doesn’t think he’s seen anything good today – Cameron Frye, this one’s for you.

Anybody still out here?

I miss writing.

I miss you.

Let me know… ‘Cause I sure have a tale or two for you.…

It's amazing how fast the world can go from bad to total shit storm.

“I need a gun,” said the six-year-old.

“Not a real gun, right?”

“No, not a real gun… Unless there are real zombies.”

“Oh, okay. Good.”…

Shit My Dad Says (The Redneck Edition)

A conversation between my dad and my sister.

“Hey Dad, what’cha doing?”

“Watching that new Spartacus show on Starz… Have you been watching it?”

“Nah… I haven’t had a chance yet. How is it?”

“It’s pretty good. Lots of fighting, lots of blood. Good stuff.”

“Yeah, I heard that Lucy …

Shorn is too a word. . .

I had a different title picked out in my head for this post…

But when I sat down to type it up, I realized that I’ve already used it already.

Which totally screws up my sense of creativity, let me tell ‘ya.

So instead of dazzling you with a spiffy …

Shock me, shock me, shock me with that intuitive behavior…

“Where are you going?”

“To the back…”


“Because you keep looking at me like you want me to die.”

Humph. I guess someone ate his shredded wheat this morning.…

and to conclude, they are lying knaves

When we were little girls, my mother always told us that bringing wildflowers inside the house would make us pee in the bed.

I think I was sixteen before I realized that that wasn’t at all true…

And what a deviously clever mother I had.

My children, unfortunately, are obviously …

Desperately Seeking Mommy

I need a mother, methinks.

Not any run of the mill type mother though… more along the lines of the scheduling, uber-organized, “I’ve had a slew of children and could do this with my eyes closed and my hands tied to the doorknob with old shoestrings”  type of mother who …

Pocket Buddha Says, “Peace.”

Pocket Buddha Says,

Days go by so very quickly when I have so very much to do.

Straight-up and bedraggled, my hair is starting to look like the hair of a crazy cat woman.

Very telling, that.

Must find time for flat iron before someone sees me. A little mascara wouldn’t hurt either.…

1.©2010 by Courtney Hebert as Judith Shakespeare.
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3.Blog title courtesy of Oscar Wilde, pseudonym Virginia Woolf, design JudithShakes.