"Dude, that gun shop has tasers. Like pink tasers. I so want a pink taser. Are you gonna buy me one?"

"Hmmmm."

"I mean, really, don't you think I need a taser? It'll, like, keep me safe and stuff…"

"Well, if you start working at night or something then, yeah, it would probably be a good idea. But there's no way in hell that I'm buying you a taser right now."

"Wha?!@?#? How come?"

"Judith, I'm not stupid. Who do you think will be the first person to get tased whenever you get pissed off? And keep in mind that you get pissed off a lot."

"I promise I won't tase you. CROSS MY HEART."

"Yeah, whatever."

"No realllllly. I promissssse not to tase you. Ever."

"Uh-huh… And when I'm writhing on the floor in pain after being tased with a pink pocket-sized taser by my lovely wife, and I'm looking up at you saying, "You promised not to ever tase me!" You know what you'll say?"

"What?"

"I lied. Then you'll probably tase me again. Whore."

"… yeah. I probably would."

We have obviously been married too long.

To see my 365 on a daily basis, be sure to add me to your contacts at Flickr or subscribe to my photo feed.

Interesting* things to happen to me since the last time we spoke:

1. I cleaned out the vacuum cleaner. Like really cleaned it out… Used a screwdriver and everything.
2. I painted my toenails purple. I hate purple. (It's a really confusing time in my life right now.)
3. I celebrated the fact that it's the perfect season for gumbo by eating enough to swim in.
4. I put together a Halloween costume for the baby that will either make her a very cute witch or an Olsen twin. I'm pulling for witch… but I'm skeptical.
5. I carelessly mixed daydreaming and driving and somehow managed to  pass up the turn to my sister's house not once but twice in one afternoon. Each by like six miles.
6. I burnt my hand. Stubbed my toe. Twisted my ankle. Poked myself in the eye. And shut my hair in the car door. I am the epitome of grace and agility.
7. I won an iPod. All is right with the world.
8. I realized that an Indiana Jones hat makes you hot. No matter how old you are.
9. I cried. Cleaning up the mess left behind by your daughter's paint session with your $40 bottle of foundation will do that to you.
10. I made this list. And am totally counting it as a blog post.

That is all.

Once upon a time, there was this gal named Judith…

This gal, who had only been married but a few years and had given birth to but one child and was therefore much "saner" than say…a gal who has given birth to three children?, worked as a personal assistant to a very cool, laid-back, totally unorganized entertainment lawyer.

This job was ideal in many ways…

One, said lawyer once was a music writer for the Village Voice and had hours and hours of envy-worthy memories and recollections that were wonderful to swim about in.

Two, said lawyer was also messy as all hell (in an artsy-fartsy way, of course), and Judith's pseudo-OCD loved her because it was never bored. (Pseudo-OCD: Everything doesn't necessarily have to be in its place… It just has to look like it is.)

Three, said lawyer sang folk music beautifully. Judith puffy hearts folk music.

Four, as a folk-singing entertainment lawyer, said lawyer was often surrounded by musicians. And, as we all know, Judith big puffy hearts pretty boys with guitars.

As I was saying…

An ideal job.

And one of the things that Judith loved most about her, outside of the stories and folk-singing and pretty boys, was her stationery*.  She had these two huge baskets full of blank postcards, note cards, greeting cards– all shapes, all sizes, from here and there, from now and then, on a plain, on a train…; and every few days or so, she'd remember someone's birthday or  suddenly have a wish to say hello to an old friend and would ask Judith to "simply pick out a card".

Judith thought that there was nothing at all "simple" about picking out a card from that collection, of course, and spent far too long sitting on the floor there in that office carefully digging through those giant baskets looking for the perfect card for someone that she had never met…

And firmly believed that the only way that she could have been any happier would be if a naked Gavin Rossdale suddenly appeared beside her and started reading aloud from her favorite Austen novels.

So it was only natural that once she outgrew her position with the very cool, laid-back, totally unorganized entertainment lawyer [Read: Got knocked-up. Again. And became a stay-at-home person that spends her days digging around in baskets of dirty underwear rather than note cards.]; Judith went out and started her own stationery* collection.

And every few days or so, she remembers someone's birthday or suddenly has a wish to say hello to an old friend and picks out the perfect card that is sure to make someone's day…

Then she sends them an email.

Good paper's expensive, yo.

I've decided to try my hand at the 365 challenge that everyone seems to enjoy so very much. This means that you get 365 quasi-guaranteed quasi-pictures of quasi-me.

Now aren't you just the luckiest bunch of lucky people in the whole bloggity world?

No… don't answer that.

I've got a fairly decent little beer-buzz courtesy of Mr. Killian that I'd hate to ruin with a bout of squashed self-esteem. So just smile and nod, okay?

Smile and Nod.

(Yes, I realize that I can't actually see you smiling and nodding, but is it really that difficult for  you to just humour a gal for a few minutes while she pretends that you actually really really want to see 365 pictures of her? No… don't answer that either. Moving on now.)

Today's picture is brought to you by my very favoritist part of Alabama:

Free Haircuts.

And before you all start accusing me of shamelessly flaunting my goodies to someone other than the guy at the nearest Starbucks, I should probably let you know that my sister (the pregnant, hormonal, and all around "I will stab these scissors in your eye if you point out one more time the difference in the size of my ass today than yesterday" one) is a beautician.

Which means that she has already seen my goodies.

More times than she'd like, most likely.

And, today, I got bangs for the first time in like twenty years… Which makes them totally retro.

Which, in turn, gives me a good excuse to wear leg warmers again, right?  Yeah… ummmmm… You're smiling and nodding again, aren't you?

That's what I thought.

Sigh.