Else I'm just terribly inept.

Which is totally possible.

Need more pictures? Visit Weekly Winners. Like now. Go. Really.

I'm still still alive.

And while things are still really hectic and topsy-turvy around these here parts, I thought I'd sneak in for a minute to say…

Neener. Neener.

Remember when I announced to the [bloggity] world at large that I'd do the deed for a nice pair of shoes??? Turns out I don't have to… Because somewhere out there, there's some awesome someone who will just give them to me.

No fucking required.

(Just some random good luck. And if my luck is anything, it sure as hell is random.)

So here's the part where I say "Neener, Neener" again and post some pictures of my new fabulously awesome shoes that I didn't even have to compromise myself for…

Although I totally would have.

So… yeah…. Neener. Neener.

That is all.

{I'm hoping to have a few great guest posts in the coming couple of weeks to fill in for me while I'm drowning in the insanity that is my life right now, so if you're interested, please let me know!}

I'm not dead, I swear.

I'm also not locked away in a padded room either (Although, at this point, it may be just the kind of vacation that I need…).

What I am, however, is bogged down with a lot of simply craptastic "lie back and let the world dissolve around you" issues that are thoroughly enjoying their fifteen minutes in the spotlight at the expense of my sobriety.

But it's all good.

Because I'm not dead.

Right?

Anyhow… we'll be back to our regularly scheduled programming shortly.

Stay tuned.

Maybe it's just me… Maybe I'm really the only one of us not surrounded by a bevy of political-minded friends, family, and neighbors.

Maybe, I really am on an island (in the middle of Arkansas), and all of you have gotten out and talked to other voters in your area and none of them have ever said things like,

"I just don't like the look of him."

"I think's she's really a man."

Oh God, I hope so. I really truly hope so.

Because right now?

I'd really like to believe that every sewing circle in every small town in this country is currently discussing Sarah Palin and asking themselves,

"Yes… but what does she think about universal healthcare?"

Instead of,

"Did you hear that she has five children and that her oldest is joining the Air Force? And I bet you she sews a mean cross-stitch, too!"

Right now?

I'd really like to believe that people aren't looking at that picture (or any one of the thousands just like it that are plastered everywhere) and thinking,

"Oh my goodness! How many times have I balanced my baby in one arm and my work in the other just like that? "

Right now?

I'd really like to keep up the pretense that people cast their vote based on policy and not on familiarity.

Because, let's face it: working mom, five kids (one in the military, one with a disability), small town girl, all tied up prettily with a pregnant teenager to "keep it real"…

I'd say that she's about as pretty damned familiar as she can be.

So here's to you, Mr. GOP Brilliant Idea Thinker-Upper, go grab yourself a nice cold Bud.

I believe that you just topped the last election's decision to focus on same-sex marriage.

And we all know where that got us.

And since I've already had the pleasure of dealing with one dead animal this week, it's probably best to not make any sudden movements and inadvertently fall out of routine…

So here are some more pictures of my spawn (backpack is totally the new pink, by the way).

And I'll try to pencil in some chaos and murder in next week's line-up, m'kay?

You totally know the drill.

(If not, that little orange sentence that you just read is actually a link. You're supposed to click on those. No, really, you are.)