The first time I ever visited Peter's parents, I was totally thrown off by the various post-it notes stuck on random surfaces throughout their house. The one on the door said simply, "Be sure to close me." The one in the broom closet said, "Do not lean mop heads on wall." The one in the laundry room, "Pull lint trap out slowly." The was even one on the toilet lid that said, "Nothing but toilet paper please."

It reminded me of the info plaques at the museum…

Or necessary reminders for the simple.

Being an English major and all, you'd think I'd have picked up on the foreshadowing.

{Honey, this is your official and PUBLIC reminder that you will be watching the kids on Friday. This means that I expect no more blank looks and weird little floating question marks hanging about your head whenever I mention Twilight. Got it? Kthanxbai.}

The Scene:

Fade in.

Judith stands in front of a purse display in a large department store. She clutches a fabulous little leather bag in her hands as she debates the importance of eating this month versus the importance of having this purse on her arm. Food is quickly losing.

Judith is momentarily distracted by the arrival of a small posse of giggling girls. She takes in the perky breasts, ugly shoes, and happy chit-chat about a "hawt guy" and how girl 1 (or maybe it was girl 2?) "doesn't usually do that kind of thing but made an exception this one time" and guesses their ages to be in the vicinity of 19 - 22 years old.

Posse of girls passes Judith by and stops near the table of the Loop's Andy Warhol-inspired totes. Since the act will allow her a few more precious moments of groping the purse that she CANNOT afford, Judith shamelessly eavesdrops on the conversation nearby:

girl 1: Oooooh… Look at these!!

girl 2: Those are cute. Look at the soup can one…

girl 3: Those really are cute!!! I wonder if I need one…

girl 1: [reading the label and tag] Andy Warhol? Who's Andy Warhol?

girl 3: Oh you know… He's that author. He wrote those books… [pauses as she searches *unsuccessfully* through her head for a title] You know! You'd recognize them if you saw them. They're really popular.

girl 1: Oh yeah! That Andy Warhol. Okay! I think that I've read a couple of his books.

girl 2: [nodding her head enthusiastically] Me too, they're really good.

girl 1 and 3 add their equally enthusiastically nodding heads to the mix.

girl 1: Ummmm, you guys?  Is that woman over there laughing at us?

Posse turns to look at Judith.

Judith: [pausing to catch her breath] Ummmm… Yeah. Yes, she is.

Fade out.

Judith's Uplifting Reminders for Feeling Better About the Fact That You're Flat Broke and Can't Afford That Purse That Would Look Absolutely Smashing on Your Arm #1:

At least you're not stupid.

The [rest of the] latest in the 365 project:

"Dude, that gun shop has tasers. Like pink tasers. I so want a pink taser. Are you gonna buy me one?"

"Hmmmm."

"I mean, really, don't you think I need a taser? It'll, like, keep me safe and stuff…"

"Well, if you start working at night or something then, yeah, it would probably be a good idea. But there's no way in hell that I'm buying you a taser right now."

"Wha?!@?#? How come?"

"Judith, I'm not stupid. Who do you think will be the first person to get tased whenever you get pissed off? And keep in mind that you get pissed off a lot."

"I promise I won't tase you. CROSS MY HEART."

"Yeah, whatever."

"No realllllly. I promissssse not to tase you. Ever."

"Uh-huh… And when I'm writhing on the floor in pain after being tased with a pink pocket-sized taser by my lovely wife, and I'm looking up at you saying, "You promised not to ever tase me!" You know what you'll say?"

"What?"

"I lied. Then you'll probably tase me again. Whore."

"… yeah. I probably would."

We have obviously been married too long.

To see my 365 on a daily basis, be sure to add me to your contacts at Flickr or subscribe to my photo feed.

Interesting* things to happen to me since the last time we spoke:

1. I cleaned out the vacuum cleaner. Like really cleaned it out… Used a screwdriver and everything.
2. I painted my toenails purple. I hate purple. (It's a really confusing time in my life right now.)
3. I celebrated the fact that it's the perfect season for gumbo by eating enough to swim in.
4. I put together a Halloween costume for the baby that will either make her a very cute witch or an Olsen twin. I'm pulling for witch… but I'm skeptical.
5. I carelessly mixed daydreaming and driving and somehow managed to  pass up the turn to my sister's house not once but twice in one afternoon. Each by like six miles.
6. I burnt my hand. Stubbed my toe. Twisted my ankle. Poked myself in the eye. And shut my hair in the car door. I am the epitome of grace and agility.
7. I won an iPod. All is right with the world.
8. I realized that an Indiana Jones hat makes you hot. No matter how old you are.
9. I cried. Cleaning up the mess left behind by your daughter's paint session with your $40 bottle of foundation will do that to you.
10. I made this list. And am totally counting it as a blog post.

That is all.

Once upon a time, there was this gal named Judith…

This gal, who had only been married but a few years and had given birth to but one child and was therefore much "saner" than say…a gal who has given birth to three children?, worked as a personal assistant to a very cool, laid-back, totally unorganized entertainment lawyer.

This job was ideal in many ways…

One, said lawyer once was a music writer for the Village Voice and had hours and hours of envy-worthy memories and recollections that were wonderful to swim about in.

Two, said lawyer was also messy as all hell (in an artsy-fartsy way, of course), and Judith's pseudo-OCD loved her because it was never bored. (Pseudo-OCD: Everything doesn't necessarily have to be in its place… It just has to look like it is.)

Three, said lawyer sang folk music beautifully. Judith puffy hearts folk music.

Four, as a folk-singing entertainment lawyer, said lawyer was often surrounded by musicians. And, as we all know, Judith big puffy hearts pretty boys with guitars.

As I was saying…

An ideal job.

And one of the things that Judith loved most about her, outside of the stories and folk-singing and pretty boys, was her stationery*.  She had these two huge baskets full of blank postcards, note cards, greeting cards– all shapes, all sizes, from here and there, from now and then, on a plain, on a train…; and every few days or so, she'd remember someone's birthday or  suddenly have a wish to say hello to an old friend and would ask Judith to "simply pick out a card".

Judith thought that there was nothing at all "simple" about picking out a card from that collection, of course, and spent far too long sitting on the floor there in that office carefully digging through those giant baskets looking for the perfect card for someone that she had never met…

And firmly believed that the only way that she could have been any happier would be if a naked Gavin Rossdale suddenly appeared beside her and started reading aloud from her favorite Austen novels.

So it was only natural that once she outgrew her position with the very cool, laid-back, totally unorganized entertainment lawyer [Read: Got knocked-up. Again. And became a stay-at-home person that spends her days digging around in baskets of dirty underwear rather than note cards.]; Judith went out and started her own stationery* collection.

And every few days or so, she remembers someone's birthday or suddenly has a wish to say hello to an old friend and picks out the perfect card that is sure to make someone's day…

Then she sends them an email.

Good paper's expensive, yo.