The Profane Toddler (A Tale of Cursing) | The Only Thing I Know: A Mom Blog of Slacker Proportions

I like to think it’s not all my fault…

My oldest is 7 years old. He’s a funny, loving, intelligent, little smartass that constantly makes me stop and wonder whether or not I was just outsmarted by a second-grader. Smart as he is, he has only used profanity within my hearing range once in his lifetime (but telling his daddy that he was going to whip his ass at playstation was actually quite humorous and quickly forgiven)… I’m sure his lack of cursing is partly due to the fact that as first-time mother, I was paranoid about making any sort of major parenting faux pas and worried a great deal about what other people thought. Needless to say, I wasn’t quite as diligent with my second offspring…

Growing up in southern Louisiana, words like gaddamn and christ’s sake were standard conversation fare during my childhood. Hell, my mother, to this very day, cannot complete an entire sentence without the appearances of shit, fire, and sugar. My great-grandmother adored the word bastard, and my sister punctuates the majority of her life with the word asshole. While I, on the other hand, prefer the simplicity and inherent flexibility of the phrase oh, shit. Now, as luck would have it, so does my two-year-old.

His every accident, moment of anger, and instance of excitement calls for an oh, shit! The bookcase falls over (perhaps due to the 40lb monkey climbing on it): oh, shit. The slice of pizza hits the floor: oh, shit. The monster jumps out from under the bed on some silly cartoon: oh, shit. He oh, shits at home; he oh, shits at the grocery store; he oh, shits in the car; he oh, shits at his grandpa’s house; he has even oh, shitted (or would that be oh, shat) at sunday school. Please note: we live in central arkansas, go to a very very small church filled to the brim with proper little old ladies, and are generally frowned upon for our unorthodox ways as is. This did not help our cause in the slightest.

He’s not quite old enough to grasp the concept of adult words. I’m not quite old enough to consider spanking him for it ( or any sort of real punishment), and, damnit, it’s funny. One has to appreciate his ability to utilize the phrase at exactly the right moments. If I stubbed my toe on that stupid power ranger, oh, shit most likely would have been my first response as well. So what’s to be done?

The only course of action is to blame the husband.

After all, at this rate, my newborn’s first words will most likely be goddamn it, bitch, i’m hungry, and I can’t have people thinking it’s my fault.

July 24, 2006
Categories: Daily

Angie

LMAO! OK so I have to tell you. My favorite curse word is FUCK. I LOVE IT! I USED to say it all the time. NOT ANYMORE! Alex picked it up. SO I figure, being to hard to not say ANYTHING, I would switch it with FREAK or FREAKIN. WELL I am driving in my Van(YES, I too submitted to the van) one day and Alex says, as sweet as can be, “MOMMY. I AM FREAKING THIRSTY” OMG I couldn’t help but laugh and laugh but when I heard that come out of his mouth he might as well said FUCK. Cause it sounded just as bad!

http://www.bing.com/ Jaydee

QWERdr That’s 2 clever by half and 2×2 clever 4 me. Thanks!

http://theonlything.wordpress.com/ judithshakespeare

Exactly! When I posted this on the mommy board, a lot of the women suggested that I use shoot or shucks or some other idiotic replacement, and I just had to ask:

What’s more wrong? The actual word or the sentiment behind it? Because if some teenager told me to “freak off”, I’m pretty sure that the board I hit him with will be just as thick as the one I’d have hit him with had he said “fuck”.

We have an “adult rule” around the house for our oldest… Once he’s ready to take on “adult” responsibilties (i.e. the laundry, the bills, and the yard) then he’s adult enough to choose his own words. Kind of hard to explain all of that to the little shit though… LOL
Kirstie

Hey we have the “adult rule” here too, I tell the boys that when they’re ready to pay rent, then they can swear. People think we’re crazy, that we should “clean up” our mouths but honestly quitting smoking was easier!!
Angie

Yea we pretty much took that philosiphy after the fricken fiasco. I must admit I let him get away with OH SHIT if used in the right context and I am not in the room. As in if I hear it while I am in the kitchen and he is in the living room I don’t run in to repremand him. Life is too short. Pick your battles wisely! KWIM!!!!!
http://theonlything.wordpress.com/ judithshakespeare

This was actually my response to one to some of nthe grief that I got off of this:

I’d much rather my child learn both the meaning and impact of language at my knee rather than at the shoulder of some rebelious little kid who thinks “shit” is some cool word that needs to be added to every sentence,just because HE NEVER HEARD IT AT HOME. It’s the same with any of the major life lessons… if you don’t introduce the world HONESTLY to your children, someone else with a much more jaded/harmful/dishonest outlook does. Good luck, ladies, because, if I remember grade school correctly, “shit” was the mildest explicitive used by that preacher’s kid… :).