The 15th Commandment, July 2009.

Believe it or not, I’m the level-headed person in this [text] conversation.

The other chick is my sister.

She’s blond.

Obviously.

“I want that tattoo like hayden pantierre? has… to live without regrets in Italian. Vivere senza rimplanti. Look it up. Hers is spelled wrong but that’s the right spelling.”

“Never get words in a language you don’t understand tattooed on you”

“That is the right spelling, and I want it on my side like that.”

“Says who? Google? LOL”

“Just look it up and she just said it on the dave. l. show.”

“It probably actually says something like “girl like big penis”.”

“Shut up”

“You know you like big penis, so it’ll be a good tattoo for you.”

“LOL. It’s rimpianti, I thought it was an ‘l’.”

“No—that one just means “girl like tiny penis”. Duh.”

“You’re crazy, just look it up in the Italian Dictionary.”

“Oh yeah… totally got one of those hangin around. BTW, foreign words often mean different things depending on the context. There’s a word in French that means “full” but when used in a sentence, it means “pregnant”. So you’re probably getting “girl is full of big penis and is subsequently pregnant with sextuplets” tattooed on your side… And that’s just NASTY.”

She didn’t respond.

Hopefully she thinks I’m full of shit and will ignore the sage sisterly advice.

“She Who Likes Big Penis” will look plum AWESOME on the Christmas cards, don’t you think?