I gave away the dog. You know… the one we found at the shelter? Loved on for a couple of months? Lost? Found? And overall enjoyed?
The one that made me believe that maybe I wasn't such an evil bitch after all?
Well it turns out that I really am a bitch.
But I can live with that.
But now that you're already thinking less of me…
I secretly hate being "green".
No, not like with envy (I think it's rather healthy to want to do violent things to Clive Owen's wife)… As in crunchy, environmentally, non-destructive, supper-happy-go-hippie green .
I hate being "green".
There I said it.
I hate being "green".
There I said it again.
Look, in all honesty, I'm perfectly content turning off the water while I'm brushing my teeth, carrying organic cotton shopping bags, using steam to clean the house rather than harsh chemicals, buying organic, cutting back on the pollution/waste…
Hell, I'm perfectly content only bathing the kids every other day.
I recycle.
I conserve.
I think.
I even really listen to Peter as he goes on and on about global warming rather than just pretending to do so (like I do when he talks about football)…
But, demmit, these freaking lightbulbs are driving me insane.
You know the ones… the little halogens that supposedly last for years, shave hundreds of dollars off of your energy bill, and no doubt will make this world a "better" place?
The ones that, up until a few months ago, were like $8 a piece and well beyond the budget constrictions of a family of five living on one income?
The ones that suddenly got "generic" and are now just pennies more expensive than the regular "earth-hating" bulbs?
The ones that were suddenly sitting on my kitchen table in large quantities because I asked my husband to stop and pick up some lightbulbs for the guest bathroom?
The ones that took my lovely southern-contemporary home and made it look like a hospital?
Yeah, those.
They're driving me insane.
And, no, not like "coo coo for cocoa puffs" slightly crazy insane…
Like I'm about two inches away from sweetening his tea with rat poison insane.
They're just soooooo ugly.
And mama don't do ugly. Well, at least this one doesn't. Yes, that officially makes me an environment-hating, dog-giver-upping, evil rotten bitchy snob.
They've simply got to go… but I can't reach them.
And now that I'm about to bribe my husband with sexual favors in exchange for him giving up his dream of saving the world and taking the god-awful ugly bulbs down, you can add manipulative slut to that sentence as well.
But I can live with that too.
(Notice that I didn't even bother to mention my refusal to give-up my dishwasher or my non-desire to start line-drying my unmentionables… But, hey, you can only think so much less of a person in one blog post, eh?)
Maria
Thursday, 10 July, 2008 at 13:31You can't reach them. LLOLOLOLOLOLOL. I don't know why that struck me as so damn funny but it was. I'm still laughing.
On Twitter: @ maria0305
Judith Shakespeare
Thursday, 10 July, 2008 at 23:53No, seriously… I. can't. reach. them. We've got really really high ceilings and even stacking my two footstools together while wearing my highest heels doesn't work. So if the bathroom light goes out, I'm stuck peeing in the dark until my tall ass husband gets home.
Talk about being rough on a girl's need for independence. :)
rachel
Thursday, 10 July, 2008 at 14:26This sounds crazily familiar. Like I just had this conversation with this same person.
You are not a manipulative… well, yes you are. But Peter knew that when he married you.
Y'all really need a revolving dog door on your house.
High Heels, Massage oil (heated, tingly, flavored) and sexual favors will get you everywhere.
Thanks for the laugh.
Judith Shakespeare
Thursday, 10 July, 2008 at 23:54Deja vu is awesome. That is all.
Sandy
Thursday, 10 July, 2008 at 14:29If you are talking about how they look…you can get some that look like regular bulbs now…you can even get some that have a light spectrum more like a regular bulb as well…you just have to look for them. Ikea has a lot of them that look like regular bulbs…
Judith Shakespeare
Friday, 11 July, 2008 at 0:10It's the "color"… it makes my children look like they have the plague. A better colr spectrum would be wonderful. Especially if they're EQUALLY as cheap and available in hillbilly hell. :)
Domestic Spaz
Thursday, 10 July, 2008 at 14:46Oh I hate them too. We only have them in the kitchen and the bathrooms right now and I'm pretty firm about NOT having them anywhere else.
I hate that they take TIME to warm up. When I turn on the light there's this delay that makes me want to gouge my eyes out with a spoon.
Judith Shakespeare
Friday, 11 July, 2008 at 0:12*Snicker* Totally get the gouging eyeballs feeling…
Nap Warden
Thursday, 10 July, 2008 at 14:59Yeah, we got 'em…Yeah, I hate 'em.
Judith Shakespeare
Friday, 11 July, 2008 at 0:14I wonder if it's possible to be like "chartreuse" or something… perhaps "mint"? That way we can do everything else right but these damn bulbs.
the planet of janet
Thursday, 10 July, 2008 at 17:20yeah, i don't like em much either. we have them in the guest bathroom. when you turn on the light, you think you are still in the dark.
oh and your feed? is working with a vengeance….
Judith Shakespeare
Friday, 11 July, 2008 at 0:13Yeah! I checked my feedburner stats and they had dropped down by HALF overnight. Had to re-route a few things… :)
Momo Fali
Friday, 11 July, 2008 at 7:31I hate those lightbulbs because I can't get my lampshades to fit over them. So, if I have to buy new lamps, doesn't that defeat the purpose of being green in the first place?
Judith Shakespeare
Friday, 11 July, 2008 at 9:40I say, yes. Yes, it does. :)
Donna
Friday, 11 July, 2008 at 8:39Those lightbulbs' color is awful. They are in my bathroom and I so totally HATE them, but I'm cheap and don't want to replace perfectly working lightbulbs. The good news is, though, that you can't use them with dimmer switches and I have dimmers on my bedroom and living room and dining room (I didn't put them in, they came that way) so I'm "forced" to use the regular, non-green, earth-killing light bulbs.
Oh, but I do have good news about the dishwasher. It is "greener" to run an efficient (as in newer, energy star rated) dishwasher than it is to wash dishes by hand because it uses less water. Good thing because I hate handwashing dishes almost as much as I hate the compact flourescent lighbulbs!!
Judith Shakespeare
Friday, 11 July, 2008 at 9:41Dude! See? I knew that washing dishes by hand was a really bad practice! LOL. You have simply made my day with that bit of info, honey.
shannanb aka Mommy Bits
Friday, 11 July, 2008 at 10:00AMEN. I hate those bulbs too. We have them all over our house. I hate the way they look, but I use them because they are better on the environment. Maybe someday someone will invent a bulb that looks nicer…..
Judith Shakespeare
Monday, 14 July, 2008 at 12:53We can only hope… :)
Tara R.
Saturday, 12 July, 2008 at 19:08I love the new look…
Hubs found these awful halogen bulbs that are also 3-way, so I get that ghostly hue in three different wattages.
On Twitter: @ Tara_R
Judith Shakespeare
Monday, 14 July, 2008 at 12:48Ugh. Don't let your husband tell my husband where he found those… I just don't think my heart can take it.
Secret Agent Mama
Sunday, 13 July, 2008 at 10:47Oh man, I know what you mean; we had those in our previous home (an apt.) and it was rather hospital'ish.
Love the new look, dear!
Judith Shakespeare
Monday, 14 July, 2008 at 12:49Thanks honey! And are you suggesting I simply move? Hmmmm… Considering.
BriannasMom
Monday, 14 July, 2008 at 10:21Girl, I now know why I soooo missed reading your blogs.
Why was it again…. hmmmm…
It sounds just like me! lol They save the environment, while creating a landing strip for airplanes in my living room. I swear, I keep waiting for a passenger plane to mistake my house for the airport, and land right in my house!
*And this momma don't do ugly neither!!!
Love the blog! Will have to keep up on it!
(Miss chatting, too)
Judith Shakespeare
Monday, 14 July, 2008 at 12:49Howdy STRANGER! It's so great to see you again… it has been AGES.
amy
Monday, 14 July, 2008 at 12:29I LOVE your new look! And totally identify with your tagline this month. Why must it be so effing hot?? Guess I 'm not doing much for the planet by cranking up the A/C huh?
Judith Shakespeare
Monday, 14 July, 2008 at 12:52Thank you, honey! I stand by the fact that my A/C unit says "Energy Efficient". That has to mean something, right???
BusyDad
Monday, 14 July, 2008 at 13:37Thank you for being the one to say this. Anything that gives my living room the aura of my 4th grade classroom is something I will melt polar icecaps for. Plus, that just means I'm one lightbulb closer to owning beachfront property without having to hassle with movers. (sorry – I've been away so long! I gave up on my reader a while ago and just rebuilt it recenlty!)
Qweenie
Tuesday, 15 July, 2008 at 17:22I hate them too but demmit if my hubby doesn't keep buying the damn things……..we have them everywhere!!
Me hateses dem bulbs!!