Into the Frying Pan
(Otherwise Known as ‘What Happened to Good Ol’ Fashioned Random Teenage Sex and Drug Use?’)

Fire at the Barn

Last Saturday, some dipshit and a half came into the backyard and stole
Peter’s four-wheeler (I’ve mentioned that we’re hicks, right?). When
telling the Middle One about the theft, he says with all seriousness,
 "I’ll need a Spiderman mask and some web." April 25, 2008

You’ve got to admit, it was rather ballsy of the little twirps to come all the way up into our backyard at 5:30 in the morning (we were up until almost four watching movies, so it’s pretty safe to assume that they had been watching the house) to steal the four-wheeler.

Our house sits on a large corner lot and we purchased the empty lot behind us as well, so it’s not as if we sit on close to the road like most other houses… It’s a nice little jaunt down the driveway.

But they did.

And they did.

If it weren’t for the lady across the street leaving to go to work at that time and just so happening to see the jackass push the vehicle up the drive and into the back of a passing truck, we’d have not even realized it was gone until later that day.

Thankfully, she was smart enough to call the police straight away, and the dumbasses were stupid enough to stop for gas and coffee at a station in the next town over even though the lady’s husband had been screaming at them as they pulled away.

There was a bit of damage- they ripped out the ignition, of course, dented the fenders, and left a few scratches (big four-wheeler, little truck)- but at least it was recovered. They were charged with grand theft, I believe, for stealing a vehicle worth over $5,000.

And then, a couple of days ago, someone set fire to the neighbor’s barn (What? Your neighbors don’t have barns? Where are you from? Civilized society Mars?).

She says that she’s seen the same dumbasses driving up and down the road several times since the night they stole the four-wheeler…

She also says that the police claim that there’s no way to "prove" that it was them…

She also says that although the police can’t arrest someone on sheer speculation, she’s got  four grown sons that would be happy to  whip someone’s ass on it…

You know what?

Sometimes, it’s nice to be country.

May 5, 2008
Categories: Daily

1.©2008 by Courtney Hebert as Judith Shakespeare.
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