Let’s Talk About [Motorcycle Helmets], Baby…

Because, quite frankly, we don’t talk often enough about motorcycle helmets around these here parts.

I mean, seriously, don’t you ever stop and think, “Hmmmm… why don’t I talk more about motorcycle helmets?”

No? Really?

Then you’re totally missing out…

5 Reasons Why Judith Thinks That Motorcycle Helmets are The Bomb Diggity (And Why You Should Too)

  1. Motorcycle helmets protect your noggin and may well save your life at one point or another.
  2. They keep the bugs out of your mouth.
  3. They make your Mister Roboto voice that much more awesomer.
  4. They come with Bluetooth. And anything with Bluetooth is gravy in my cookbook.
  5. A lot of them are made out of the same material as my new sex toy.

See? Aren’t you glad you kept reading?

Superhero PR Dude Drew (of cookie fame) sent me over this nifty new friend just about the time that my husband took off for Louisiana to work. (Yay, Drew!) The shape had me tilting my head in speculation and the color was rad in a very jellies in the summertime sort of way… But what really sold me was the fact that the Crystal Wand is made of Lucite (motorcycle helmet stuff— see how nicely I tied that in?? Awesome, I am. Yoda-like too.), which is super sturdy, incredibly smooth, cleans easily, and heats up quicker than you can say…

Whatever it is that you say when you’re… well… you know.

(I generally stick with the “f” word. And, no, I don’t mean “Funyuns”… Not that there’s anything wrong with “Funyuns”, so if you’re one of those people who say “Funyuns” when you’re… well.. you know; it’s all good. Really, it is.)

Now, I’ll admit…  it took me a moment or two (or three) to “get the hang of it” as the wand isn’t shaped for the normal ins-and-outs associated with this type of adult toy. Matter of fact, there’s really no “ins-and-outs” about it so much as a flipping, flicking, switching motion to aim it in the right direction.

Think light switch…

Or one of those old-timey water pumps.


But once I caught on, I was good to… ummm… go.

And once I realized that I could do it hands-free, I was good to… ummm… go again.

The Crystal Wand is available at my favorite online adult store, Eden Fantasys, and is well worth the $42.99 price tag, and while you’re there picking up some goodies (don’t forget the costumes, adult videos, and couple aids), be sure to check out their new online magazine slash sex guide slash hub of sex culture, Sexis.

I was totally hooked the moment I came across an article titled, The 25 Hallmarks of Bad Cunnilingus, which includes such gems as:

#2.Mr. Scratchy. A five o’clock shadow is nice, but not when being raked against one’s tender bits. No one (except, brief shout out to you BDSM pain sluts out there) likes clitupuncture.

#12. Gum-Chewing. I don’t want to be minty-fresh. If I did, I’d insert an Altoid. Or a Listerine strip.

#21. Blowing in It. What is this all about? The queef is one of the most unflattering noises that can be made in the bedroom. Why anyone would want to create a situation where that might occur is beyond me. A small aside on queef etiquette: It didn’t happen, you didn’t hear it, and it is to be ignored completely and totally.

Honestly, how can you not want to rush on over there and laugh your ass off (and perhaps learn a few things as well)?

No? You don’t? Really?

WTF, dude? You’re so not getting another top five list in this post… So just do what say already.

You’ll enjoy it.

I promise.

May 12, 2009
Categories: Reviewful

1.©2009 by Courtney Hebert as Judith Shakespeare.
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3.Blog title courtesy of Oscar Wilde, pseudonym Virginia Woolf, design JudithShakes.