I Will Call You Betty…

You know on that episode of Friends where Monica uses the little vacuum to vacuum the big vacuum and then says something along the lines of "Now if only they made a little one to clean this one…"?

I think it was episode #678.


I realize that I’m a nerd and half and am filled with all sorts of inane information that is only useful for random insertion into blog entries and Trivial Pursuit (The Pop Culture Edition), but I seriously don’t remember episode numbers.

Stop looking at me like that- I don’t, I swear.

However, she did have shorter hair and a natural facial structure; so I’d wager that it’s an episode from that brief period in nineties before all of the real people were permanently replaced with the robots.

Damn you, Hollywood.

Anyhow, back to my point; and, yes, I really do have one.

Stop looking at me like that- I do, I swear.

For those of you who do remember the episode, congratulations, you’re old enough to drink. May I suggest Vodka?

After all, Vodka is to happiness as creepy anal retentive Monica is to Judith. That’s me. (And that’s my point in case you weren’t paying attention.)

In an effort to cut down down on our use of harmful household chemicals, we bought a nifty steam cleaner last week; and I have subsequently steamed every single item in my household.  You know that grate at the bottom of the fridge? Steamed it. The little logo on the washing machine that has that bit of lint/dust/general dirty crap that refuses to come off for even the handiest of Peter’s toothbrushes? Steamed it. All of my floors? The couch? The bathtub? The mirrors? The windows? That spot  around the gear shift in my car?

I steam cleaned the freezer, folks.

Oh, yeah… And the vacuum is pretty sparkly too.

So for today (and maybe Friday too because I’m planning on re-organizing my closet), you may refer to me as "Creepy Anal Retentive Before She Was a Robot Monica".

And I won’t mind in the slightest.

(Have you worn the mad hat yet? You really should… It’ll bring out the [insert color] in your eyes.)

February 26, 2008
Categories: Eat Me, Martha Stewart!

1.©2008 by Courtney Hebert as Judith Shakespeare.
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3.Blog title courtesy of Oscar Wilde, pseudonym Virginia Woolf, design JudithShakes.